Mornings with you.

I love waking up to you. The warmth of your arms, the strength in your hold provides a safe and happy place where everything makes sense. Despite the pending problems of every day life, the closeness between us allows for a few moments of perfection before facing it all.

In one day.

Hugs.
Kisses.
Brought me medicine when I was feeling sick.
Made me smile.
Told me he could wake up to me every morning, easy.
Made love.
Bought me Chinese food & ate together.
Made me laugh.
Took nap together, cuddling.
Went to the gas station just to get me a drink.
Went grocery shopping..
...and brought back a dozen roses, telling me he loves me and how amazing I am. <3

How lucky I am to have such an amazing boyfriend. Each of these things happened in one day. I have feelings of excitement, happiness, love, joy, and so much more. Just brought about by the love of my life. I hope we can move in together. Honestly, I'm ready. In every way but financially. I love him more than I thought I could ever love again anytime soon. I guess when it's meant to be, it happens without expecting it to. The best day I can remember before we were together is the day I decided to call him on my way home. The day after being diagnosed with cancer. The day I decided to make that phone call is the day that I will forever thank myself for. Without it, who knows if we would be where we are right now. How grateful I am that the fates, God, the cosmics...whoever were able to bring us together again. Because without him, I would be a less whole, less fulfilling human being. He brings out the best in me, my full potential. He makes everything right just by being my man. I hope and pray that the next few weeks, months bring us closer so that we can move towards moving in together and becoming even more happy in the years to come!

Ennairbsihctib.

A liar, a psycho, a heartless soul A lie, a tantrum, a bottomless hole. Never there, always late Always lacking, never great. Disappointment and disbelief Causing heartache and grief. Heartless soul to where you reside Soulless heart to whom you abide.

Quote.

"Sometimes it makes more sense to do something that makes no sense."


A quote I created which was inspired by how I felt when watching a movie called "One Week".

Prelude to Short Story

The scary part wasn't not knowing. Now that she knew, the apprehension seemed to envelope her very core. The dawn still came; the clouds still formed, and the night still cascaded over the mountain tops at sunset.  Her existence did not matter in the course of nature.  Mother Earth continued her daily routine without disruption.  But how could this be?  One of her daughters, a seed of life, personified humanity was suffering. It mattered not in the scheme of the universe.  But in a small town, whispers of terminal disease were something that could condemn anyone to a mundane life of question and answer panels and cheesy get well cards from forgotten relatives.  So although the earth was not mourning the morose situation, she was with her loved ones by her side.

Reluctantly, she answered each well wish, went to each appointment, and agreed to every syllable mentioned by the swarm of physicians that were helping with her case.  Although she felt like a lost cause, she pressed on. There wasn't much she could do other than what she was already doing.  She didn't see the psychologist yet, but other than that she was doing everything that should could to get "wicked healthy", as the radiation doctor would say.  Medicines, surgeries, radiation, complications; these were words that were like strangers to her.  Never had daily life turned into such weighing and measuring, waiting and thinking.  Sure, thinking and dwelling were two of her unfortunate hobbies; however, thoughts like these were never topic of conversation even in her mind.  The subject typically was suitable for a kitchen table.  Fortunately, her thoughts were only inner monologues, otherwise it is safe to say the next hoop to jump through would be a straight jacket.

Opening Prelude to Something Great.

After wanting a love like in the movies for so long and never finding it, I began to think it didn't exist.  Maybe true love was a figment of imaginations, something created, not something that could actually happen.  I felt like time and time again I fell in love, none of them amounting to a thing.  Pretending I was in love was something I became good at, not admittedly my most endearing quality.

Does true love really exist?  Is there one person out there that the fates have so graciously betrothed us to? What if we never meet that person?  What if we walk our entire life never feeling true love because we never cross paths with "the one"?  Or maybe we're all wrong.  Maybe there isn't just one person out there.  Maybe a Shakespearean classic is too much to ask of life and love.  The most we can hope for in this life is to wake up each day with a reason to smile.

A New Me

Where I was, who I had become, was a soulless version of myself.
In the unforgivable desert, a vast unpersonified human being standing on the edge.
The precipice of insanity, a place of unrest, was where I laid my head.

But I've seen better days since.
An oasis has appeared in the sand.
A mirage it was not, no falsity or darkened dreams.
The hopeless oracle that was me, dissipated into the stratosphere.
A new hope has blossomed, true self emerging to find peace.

Love is But a Flower

Walking through a field of willow trees,

Your hand in mine, feel the breeze.

The colors, the air

So perfect, without a care.

Pick me a flower,

stay for an hour.

Never leave me.

As we walked along the river, sat on the swing, I realized that I have been lost for far too long.  I took my own happiness away from me without knowing. And now? It's like a light bulb went off in the Dark Ages. The nicest day, sunshine with beautiful cumulonimbus clouds hanging in the cerulean sky, was the backdrop for it all. The feelings, sure they already existed, already were there, but the perfection of that afternoon signified that this love, this gorgeous romance wasn't going anywhere. Dandelion wisps, willow trees, flowers, the river. Sometimes, a picked flower is more romantic. He walked over and picked the prettiest pink flower for me, brushing my hair back placing it in my hair. The next moment, grabbing my chin and kissing me sweetly. This moment, every moment with him is perfect.

Assume.

Assumption.
Hurts us all.
Assumption.
Silent death.
Assumption.
The hurt.
Assumption.
Stop assuming.

Four Years Ago...

Four years, to the day, it's been since my mission trip to Nicaragua. I miss it there, terribly. It provided me with a sense of gratitude that I have never felt in my life. During my lowest of times, when I feel like giving up -- especially through all of my cancer surgeries, treatments, etc -- I think of these girls, the children in the village and the orphanage. I think about what if it were on of them that had cancer. Going undiagnosed, untreated because no doctors, no hospitals, no insurance. I feel so blessed. I think of them, their lack of basic necessities; food, clothing, water, shelter. I remember giving them the shoes off my feet, the shirt off my back, financially supporting them as little as I could. Breathing clean air, not being afraid for my safety -- counting my blessings. That is what these photos do for me. So I ask anyone who is having a tough time, remember my story, remember these children's' stories. We all have rough roads ahead of us, some worse than others, but if we remember that sunshine is somewhere on the horizon, we can make it through anything that fate throws our way. I decided after treatments, that I want to rejoin the mission world. I'm hoping that fate has a hand in aiding me to follow my dreams of helping others. <3

Like an old friend.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter proves that Harry Potter is not simply a franchise or a novel to film adaptation; but a colossal worldwide sensation. Harry Potter is a lifelong phenomenon for not only myself, but so many others around the globe. It truly has touched my life since day one and just this February, I had the privilege of visiting this amazing world, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

The feeling overwhelms you as you walk through the gates of Hogsmeade. To your right, the steaming engine, the Hogwarts Express, is a glorious vessel used to transport some of your closest friends in the entire world to and from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At this point, each and every memory from the series begin to flood your mind; and from this point your imagination takes hold of your journey.

Drinking butterbeer, the shortbread and butterscotch drink sent from the gods, or indulging in a cup of fresh pumpkin juice ignites another one of your five senses. If the sights and the sounds were not enough to entice you, the tastes certainly will. In addition, Bertie Botts every flavour beans or chocolate frogs are absolutely a must-taste when visiting the village of Hogsmeade. The first taste of the above mentioned is not just an experience, but a feeling of fulfillment. A lifelong friend deserves this expliot into the Wizarding World.

Moving onto the most emotional part of my journey was seeing Hogwarts Castle up close for the first time. The outside architecture and the inside design was simply breathtaking. I am not one to awe at merely authenticity, although it was done beautifully; I however am awestruck by how I felt seeing the Castle. The creative genius behind each detail made it overwhelming and aesthetically pleasing on many levels. Everything about Hogwarts, from the grounds to walking the corridors was brilliant. Speaking of walking the corridors, it made one feel as though Mr. Filch or Peeves was sure to make an appearance. Simply brilliant if I do say so myself.

I remember reading The Sorcerer's Stone and jokingly pondering, at such a young age, why I was born a mere muggle, and not at the very least a squib. But in actuality I dreamt of visiting Hogwarts Castle, of shopping at Dervish and Banges, and of having my wand choose me at Ollivander's. All of the amazing things I loved about the series were made real with the creation of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

The experience can hardly be put into words of what it truly meant to me. Harry Potter is not just a fantasy world in my eyes. I do not see myself as a mere fan or a silly tourist, but more as an old friend coming home. Universal and Warner Brothers did that for me. These two power houses captured the true essence of what JK Rowling and her brilliant imagination conjured all those years ago, from day one of this amazing journey she has lead us all on.

The melting pot of emotions, relationships, and a lifelong love that has manifested from the series is irreplaceable in my life. I believe that nothing will surpass my connection to this wondrous world. I have learned so very much about myself through the characters and my amazing, unexplainable experience at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Only making the entire series, feelings and emotions and all, come to life. I thank everyone involved that made everyone, Muggle-born or not feel welcome like family.

Soul, My Sole Inspiration.

that night.

this place.

your kiss.

my face.

unique.

so bleak

this seems

to be.

Inner Demons Fiendishly Feed On.

Wide awake I lie,

conscious to it all,

unconscious to many.

Forget the rest.

Sleep is but a foreshadowing,

a prelude to death's sweet song.

A wasting of precious seconds.

Tear from me and break free.

Bond is set.

For a moment,

one glimmer of hope

cast in my direction.

Moments later,

the rug has been shaken,

pulled out from under us all.

The damned, how crude of you.

Leave my life, forget my soul

in which you fiendishly feed.

Until tomorrow, cast away fleeting thoughts

the many unanswered prayers

the sobs of many, rising up with the noon-day star.

Incessant.

It never stops, always flowing.
As we sleep, she acts like a plague.
Never resting, conscience, subconsciousness.
To each, for each, above and below
The tip, the submersion, all.
Thoughts ceasing not, words ever rampant.
One more occurance and its about to break.
Here comes the rain, to add to cliche
As I sit and ponder because of his stirring.
A burning draws up, rising like the sun.
Never understand why things go out this way.

Gateway

tears flowing, like the oceans

wet messages of despair

courier of hellishness

eyes full of sorrow

wait til tomorrow

but tomorrow

never comes

gateway

Frozen

frozen

how I like to think of you

frozen

means you will one day melt

frozen

a hope

REM.

Before I sleep,
I lie awake
Eyes open,
Mind full of thought.
Then suddenly,
I begin to dream.
Dreaming,
A place where there's no pain.
No hurt can come from you.
As I sleep,
These moments,
They are safe here.
No tears,
No change to fail.
For it's all a dream,
A place I'd rather be.
Safe from it all,
The way it should always be.

Fortune Telling What's Next.

Rise up against myself and throw it all away.
Forget the past, take me to a better day.
Lies, deceit, and slander; you know me so well.
Teach me to be better, outside my perfect hell.

Unseen.

Wind, breeze. Hush.

Lullaby, the distant cries.

Soft, morphine. Hush.

Waves beating. Smashing waves.

The whistle, the whipping.

Cool, cold. Frozen.

The Call

we all

wait for the call

feeling so small

through it all

about to fall

we hit a wall

the call

Glass

I can see right through you.
The facade has shifted, the clouds have lifted
Unveiling the true.


However wrong, the memories linger.
No matter the traffic, the purpose is clear.
Display me all your colors.


You stand there,
A transparency among the damned.
Clear, ever-ready for apocalyptic demise.

The Fourteenth.

Lady of Love, today was your day.

The suited man, he wasn't there.

White innocence imbibes the wholesome inclination she portrays.

All the skeletons, drones of shadows

faded into the semblance.

Ready to forget, erase.

Explosions fill the air.

 Rapidly release, deflagration supervenes.

Preserve the Riches

release, energize, inspire

nurse, pacify, change

influential streams fills the air

a mellow cultivation of positivity

you are found; lost is lost

cold shadows of decaying aspirations

and yesterday's abysmal secrets

cast away the village of nekros

the rain stops falling

break the clouds in two

shatter all animalistic fears

change has leeched onto the premise of life

to the end, the final lullaby

holding life, sheltering love

one last hope for sanity

The Trip.

A road that leads to where I must go.

There's a place like that for all.

It exists somewhere.

My road, your road, all different roads.

Broken kaleidoscopes, giving altered visions of it all.

Circle, square, triangle, shapeless.

Translucent spheres hangs auspiciously candid,

Doubling the validity which presents itself alone.

My road, my hallucinatory journey

Bound, wound, intertwined with a dark fate.

Sunshine never finding me.

Dark Holiday.

hot and cold;

blister the ember,

bite the ice.

fire engulfs the frozen paradox,

disconnect, disembody.

passion and apathy;

unbridled while ecstasy consumes.

disdain, wreck the purpose.

frighten the cherubs.

Free-fall of Us All.

The earth is bleeding.

She is crying.

Painful tears knowing what she holds.

The morose, the damned, the angelic,  the brave,

all killing, aching this  homicidal vision.

Humanity strangling hope.

Hope refutes the virtue.

Virtue is bleeding, the crying ensues.

Cycle However Vicious.

embodiment of humanity.

pseudo-theistic surrealism.

capture, envision, divide.

live, breathe, decay.

endless perpetual failure.

nature, impregnation of humor,

stillness of infinity.

divided within the unbridled hate

which manifests the rise of humanity.

every morbid releases encompasses you,

the inevitable, the broken, the pseudo.

Fleeting Thoughts of Desecration

Daily I dismiss death.

Tell him he isn't welcome here.

He comes in my thoughts

Tempting, hating my existence.

Finds me deep in the wild-wood of my conscience

Inveigles the symphony of my pondering

Futile, hostile, cold

The dismissal, the hopeful.

Death, however hated,

you become a hope

for the hopeless.

You beast of lifeless vitality

A perversion of freedom to be me.

Frozen in haste, missing grace

welcoming him with cold angelic sorrow.

red planet

as we looked

looked in the sky

we felt small

we felt a spark

stars, moon, dark

time passes, feelings unchanged

unyielding, unflinching

looking into space

your kiss on my face

red planet, this planet

another planet, with you