Well, it's been awhile. Not that there are enough excuses etched on my soul already, but here are some excuses. I haven't been myself or let myself have the time that I deserve to write. I have also written for some time in a journal, you know the old fashioned way. It was something a little more private I was dealing with so I wanted to get through that during such a difficult time. Which times aren't difficult though, I mean really.
Weight loss for me is an uphill battle. When I say weight loss, I guess intent to lose must be there. I know that I want to; it's just I don't think I have been mentally ready for it. I know that I am not the size that I want to be. I know that this is almost the heaviest of my life and I want to change it. My boyfriend and I both want to be fit. We both have been before and know it is possible.
My health has been all over the map. Just absolutely terrible news all around and something that I'm trying to deal with but on a more private scale I guess. My mom and Mark have been more than everything I need to keep me on track as far as that stuff goes.
I have a lot of different sides to me, which attributes to being passionate about many things. This truly can be a double-edge sword. Aside from being a bit preoccupied with my health and family, I seem to overbook myself. I feel like I let everyone down all the time, failing you all. There isn't a single reason that I would want to fall short but it seems like I do in everything I touch. If someone could tell me something I do right, I would give them a puppy.
Think of Me is on Pandora right now. It's a Classical piece from the 90s. It makes me feel emotional and full of thoughts and energy and inspiration when I hear it. I turned off the lyrical music because all it does when I'm trying to write is distract me. Now when I am trying to clean or something like that, don't put Classical on, I will most definitely want to write or meditate and that isn't good.
As I was having a break down today, I took it out on the person I least want to. I feel terrible for it, even though I already apologized to him and we are just fine. I just needed to cool off and do something for myself without someone needing to hold my hand. I went ahead and took myself to the mall and got a pedicure. For some reason that is something that makes me relax and calm down. I was bawling my eyes out before I left. Sometimes in life, things are way too overwhelming for someone to handle. I doubt that I truly let it all sink in and I feel like lately it has all been hitting me. So what I did was get a pedicure then go to find some gym shorts.
As a sat in those chairs waiting for the little man to come over and get started, all I was thinking about is my size. How I couldn't believe how big I have gotten. I got weighed again at the doctors and I was just ashamed. I know that it is just a number but it sure hits you hard when you see something like that. I made the decision as I was sitting there that I would go and look for workout shorts after this because mine are all old or just meh looking on me. Well, I found a special for buy one get one half off. This made me happy because I know that I need to have something for me to wear and feel comfortable in while dancing, etc.
My mom and sister were out shopping too and they just got here to her house so I'm going to get back into reality now, but I want to begin writing again. It brings me happiness and damnit, I'm gonna do it!
Weight loss for me is an uphill battle. When I say weight loss, I guess intent to lose must be there. I know that I want to; it's just I don't think I have been mentally ready for it. I know that I am not the size that I want to be. I know that this is almost the heaviest of my life and I want to change it. My boyfriend and I both want to be fit. We both have been before and know it is possible.
My health has been all over the map. Just absolutely terrible news all around and something that I'm trying to deal with but on a more private scale I guess. My mom and Mark have been more than everything I need to keep me on track as far as that stuff goes.
I have a lot of different sides to me, which attributes to being passionate about many things. This truly can be a double-edge sword. Aside from being a bit preoccupied with my health and family, I seem to overbook myself. I feel like I let everyone down all the time, failing you all. There isn't a single reason that I would want to fall short but it seems like I do in everything I touch. If someone could tell me something I do right, I would give them a puppy.
Think of Me is on Pandora right now. It's a Classical piece from the 90s. It makes me feel emotional and full of thoughts and energy and inspiration when I hear it. I turned off the lyrical music because all it does when I'm trying to write is distract me. Now when I am trying to clean or something like that, don't put Classical on, I will most definitely want to write or meditate and that isn't good.
As I was having a break down today, I took it out on the person I least want to. I feel terrible for it, even though I already apologized to him and we are just fine. I just needed to cool off and do something for myself without someone needing to hold my hand. I went ahead and took myself to the mall and got a pedicure. For some reason that is something that makes me relax and calm down. I was bawling my eyes out before I left. Sometimes in life, things are way too overwhelming for someone to handle. I doubt that I truly let it all sink in and I feel like lately it has all been hitting me. So what I did was get a pedicure then go to find some gym shorts.
As a sat in those chairs waiting for the little man to come over and get started, all I was thinking about is my size. How I couldn't believe how big I have gotten. I got weighed again at the doctors and I was just ashamed. I know that it is just a number but it sure hits you hard when you see something like that. I made the decision as I was sitting there that I would go and look for workout shorts after this because mine are all old or just meh looking on me. Well, I found a special for buy one get one half off. This made me happy because I know that I need to have something for me to wear and feel comfortable in while dancing, etc.
My mom and sister were out shopping too and they just got here to her house so I'm going to get back into reality now, but I want to begin writing again. It brings me happiness and damnit, I'm gonna do it!
When all else fails, laughter is the best medicine!
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