Tonight's Blurb.

Well, I just got back from seeing Fast 6. I am surprised at how much I really liked it. I have come to really enjoy action movies, especially since dating the emperor of epic, adventure guy movies. I think it all started with my enjoyment for fantasy and sci-fi now it turned into just anything downright epic.  I have come to realize that if I reach outside of my comfort zone and try other things, I might actually surprise myself when I like it. Trying to embrace some of Mark's interests as well as our similar ones has seemed to be successful. I would never be playing League of Legends or Magic. I would never have expanded my palette for food or for movie genres and so on. I am trying to take each experience in my life and look at it under a microscope, if you will. After something happens, I hope to see if I grew from it, or waned from it. There just seems to be a happy medium here that exists because of my openness at trying new things. Since I feel as though it was a positive move, I will deem this a successful experience in how I reacted to something new. I know that Mark values that in a partner. Spontaneity, adventure, willingness to try new things; all something we each seek and we have found. There is not a single thing as of right now in our relationship that I would change. I only hope as time moves through and we enjoy life and heal from my ailments, that we will take this relationship to another level. When that happens, I will be forever grateful to whomever is out there looking over me that fated us back into each other's arms. As I lie my head down at night, I hope to be thankful for what I have taken from today. The reason I like to document things like I do is because tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day -- these memories will all be but a blur. Unless it is written and recorded so that it does itself justice with the raw energy and pureness that exudes from the very thought of it. Memories are way too precious to be lost. Memories and time are all we have. This moment is all that we are given.

Long Time No Blog.

Well, it's been awhile. Not that there are enough excuses etched on my soul already, but here are some excuses. I haven't been myself or let myself have the time that I deserve to write. I have also written for some time in a journal, you know the old fashioned way. It was something a little more private I was dealing with so I wanted to get through that during such a difficult time. Which times aren't difficult though, I mean really.

Weight loss for me is an uphill battle. When I say weight loss, I guess intent to lose must be there. I know that I want to; it's just I don't think I have been mentally ready for it. I know that I am not the size that I want to be. I know that this is almost the heaviest of my life and I want to change it. My boyfriend and I both want to be fit. We both have been before and know it is possible.

My health has been all over the map. Just absolutely terrible news all around and something that I'm trying to deal with but on a more private scale I guess. My mom and Mark have been more than everything I need to keep me on track as far as that stuff goes.

I have a lot of different sides to me, which attributes to being passionate about many things. This truly can be a double-edge sword. Aside from being a bit preoccupied with my health and family, I seem to overbook myself. I feel like I let everyone down all the time, failing you all. There isn't a single reason that I would want to fall short but it seems like I do in everything I touch. If someone could tell me something I do right, I would give them a puppy.

Think of Me is on Pandora right now. It's a Classical piece from the 90s. It makes me feel emotional and full of thoughts and energy and inspiration when I hear it. I turned off the lyrical music because all it does when I'm trying to write is distract me. Now when I am trying to clean or something like that, don't put Classical on, I will most definitely want to write or meditate and that isn't good.

As I was having a break down today, I took it out on the person I least want to. I feel terrible for it, even though I already apologized to him and we are just fine. I just needed to cool off and do something for myself without someone needing to hold my hand. I went ahead and took myself to the mall and got a pedicure. For some reason that is something that makes me relax and calm down. I was bawling my eyes out before I left. Sometimes in life, things are way too overwhelming for someone to handle. I doubt that I truly let it all sink in and I feel like lately it has all been hitting me. So what I did was get a pedicure then go to find some gym shorts.

As a sat in those chairs waiting for the little man to come over and get started, all I was thinking about is my size. How I couldn't believe how big I have gotten. I got weighed again at the doctors and I was just ashamed. I know that it is just a number but it sure hits you hard when you see something like that. I made the decision as I was sitting there that I would go and look for workout shorts after this because mine are all old or just meh looking on me. Well, I found a special for buy one get one half off. This made me happy because I know that I need to have something for me to wear and feel comfortable in while dancing, etc.

My mom and sister were out shopping too and they just got here to her house so I'm going to get back into reality now, but I want to begin writing again. It brings me happiness and damnit, I'm gonna do it!

When all else fails, laughter is the best medicine!

April 7th: 12:33 AM.

Well, here I am. I have missed blogging beyond explanation. I don't know what it is about it that releases some of my inner demons and inner beauty all at the same time. However, after the last few weeks of hecticness, I have changed my view of what I need to be writing about. I don't really like to write anymore with a pen and paper as much as I enjoy just sitting down and quickly typing up my thoughts on a given topic I feel like expressing. I still do keep a small journal but just I'm not as religious with it, kind of like that of many other aspects in my life. I wish I was able to complete the loose ends that I have in my life. I need to jot these ideas down so that I can pursue them as well as figure out what direction I want to go with them in my life. Which I feel is ultimately one of the most important things.

Anyways, moving on to what is currently going on in my life. I will be leaving for Norfolk in the morning with Maunie, my sister-in-law to be. Maunie has been in town for three weeks helping Mark's Nan with the move to the new house and helping since her heart attack a few Fridays ago. It was a huge scare and it also warranted Pap in the nursing home; however, we all visit him and bring him his favorite treats, so we are hoping this will be a positive change for all parties. We have been boxing, packing, unboxing, unpacking for weeks now. It's time for Maunie to go back home to Norfolk and take a breather but also have some time to just relax and she invited me to come along. I am really excited, because this will a great girls vacation for us. We probably in the future won't have the time or chance to do that because deployments, Navy, Nursing, Mark and I getting married, their marriage as well -- so now seems to be the perfect time. I will be gone for 12 days. I have a little bit of separation anxiety from my baby, but I think we have some really fun things planned and I can't wait to take photos all over the coast of Virginia! We have plans for the beach and some yummy restaurants, possibly a plantation house and seeing all the mermaids in town as well. I can't wait!

I packed. Cleaned up a bit. Cooked a few things for Mark. Still have to write him a list of things to get accomplished while I'm gone, but I hope he gets work, gym time, and game time while I'm gone as well. Like a staycation for him! He got done a little early from work tonight, so I hope we can spend some quality time before I leave at 8 am. We have plans to Skype at least three times, but alls everyday - so it should be alright, especially because I'm taking my Mac. I couldn't survive without it!

Today was my half birthday. 24 and a half. I made it through cancer. I'm living through trigeminal neuralgia. I can do this. 25 is six months away and I want to document every last bit of my 24th year. It is my mission and goal. Each day blog and post a photo from that day. Today I don't have a photo, but I will start tomorrow with my travels. 

Thinspiration with a hearty appetite: Pesto Chicken Alfredo

Today was a day for my man and I to be off together. We saw the movie "Warm Bodies" this afternoon; however adorable, not my favorite. The love story was cute though. Anyways, on the way home we stopped at the store to get ingredients for a dish that I made a few weeks ago in which he was been requesting ever since. It is from his Nan's recipes: Pesto Chicken Alfredo. For how hearty it is, the serving size of 1 1/2 cups is only 475 calories, which really isn't bad because it is so filling and the best pasta I have ever had (if I do say so myself).

I'll make this recipe easy to follow. I'm going to type it in a list today also because I have it cooking and I can't wait to enjoy it!

- Boil 1 lb. penne noodles. (I use wheat)

- Cook (steam) 4 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast. Seasoned with Nature's Seasoning.

- Mix 1/2 C bread crumbs, 2 T EVOO, and 1/2 C shredded parm (set aside for topping)

- When noodles and chicken are finished, mix them in a large mixing bowl with; 1 can crushed tomatoes, 1 jar Alfredo sauce, pesto sauce (I made with a packet of pesto, some basil, and EVOO), 1 1/2 C milk (I use skim), 2 C shredded mozzarella, 1 1/2 C shredded parm.

- Once thoroughly mixed, sprinkle bread crumb mixture ontop of dish.

- Cover with foil & bake in the oven on 350 for 40-45 minutes.

Then ENJOY! It really is an amazing dish. Wish I had a photo of it for you all. But trust me when I say this is the best - better than Olive Garden (which used to be my favorite alfredo). This recipe I found from Pinterest, so I'm not sure who to credit but thank you!

Today was also weigh-in Wednesday. I lost a half pound since I started on Monday! Goes to show that each day, each little change really does add up. Those good choices one plus one really do keep surmounting to something we strive for. Although I am far from my goal, I did my hair and makeup today and went out with an amazing man who makes me feel beautiful beyond measure. 

As the next few days come, I hope that our choice for moving or vacationing this summer or staying put really becomes easier. I can't imagine anything changing right now. All I know is that the more snow I see and the cold temperatures here the more I want to head start to the beach like we have thought about for 12-weeks for post cancer finding yourself because you have an amazing man that you want a future with type thing. Well, we shall see!