Living in the Land of Being a Dick Part II

Sometimes there really isn't much you can say to a person. Other times all you want to do is cuss them out like Sailor from NYC. (Anyone who knows a sailor or a NY native knows what I mean.) The people who usually fall under either situation are probably being a dick in some way. When I say probably, I mean they definitely are.
When someone close to you is being a dick you can handle the situation either of the above mentioned ways. There are times when I start out with the silent treatment, because anything you say to them is breath otherwise wasted. Then there are other times where you can't help but play therapist. You genuinely want to help correct their dick-ism but they just aren't having it.
Then you must resort to freaking out on them and yelling obscenities at them to get them to come to earth. Telling them you won't sit with them and eat biscuits at BoJangles, when they're sad, anymore because they're being a dick.. sometimes really works.
Whatever the case may be people need to understand one thing..everything you say or do...look or feel affects..someone else. Whether you want to admit it or not, you googling something changes you. As does going to Kroger instead of Wal-Mart. Everything has its own equal and individual repercussions. This usually gives someone the fuel to either be a good person or even just normal cool human being or to live in the land of being a dick.
On a more serious note, I need to say that I really want to write about something that happened to me tonight specifically. It needs to be a separate blog because it is very involved, emotional, and needs thought more than I can put in on just a blogger app. But the subject falls into the trend of "Living in the Land of Being a Dick" because it is about someone who should reside there. It is about a disrespect that has manifested for years but is now being shown with a magnitude I never thought possible.

To be continued...
In conclusion ladies and gents, stop being a dick. And if you aren't then people who are being dicks to you in your life remember how to deal with them. Stop letting them float on their dick train and ruin you or your day.

A simile.

It was nothing like anything I had ever done before. The feeling was unique to that moment. I especially loved being on the back when Mark was driving. He had my life in his hands, just like he has my heart. The metaphor was simple really and all too perfect. Gliding through the air at a speed like that, no one but him and fate to protect me. Something may seem a bit macabre about having life on the precipice of death only to be on the precipice of the meaning of life. A beautiful simile: to be free. Feeling free and reveling in it; an all consuming propulsion outwards into what we know as the world. Extrovertion commandeers; while the weight is shifted. Freedom comes in all different ways, no matter how it comes about. One may never be free from themselves, condemned always by a rooted fear deep within. Once those nightmares shatter and the veil dissipates, it is like a new day arrives with a glimmer of what it means to be free. I'm bound by the chains of fear and pain, illness and worry. For a moment in time, I break free from those bindings to discover the me that is underneath the surface of darkness. Although perhaps it is brief, it summons a rising hope. For the future may hold a permanent freedom, a final peace to have and to hold all the days until the end.

An eloquent agreement with oneself.

There are times when words can not describe what you are feeling. All that can escape from you are waves of salty streams flowing down your cheeks, and thats okay. Sometimes you need to cry. There are those moments in life where the last straw has been broken and all we are left with is our vulnerable selves. No one ever said life would be simplistic, but when did it become second nature to accept that we aren't moving forward. The only way to feel and move on is to let it all in. Don't block out your emotions. All it will do is grasp onto your very breath and suffocate you, starting with your heart. The symbolism we all know to be love in our chest cavities. However split at the seams, however lost in the wilderness, we all deserve an epic adventure. Teaching onself to revel in what it is like to be human and experience life as if it was your last moment is one of the most difficult expenditures I have ever bestowed upon myself. An eloquent servitude of humanity and all its wonder. Such a fragile existences however shaken we may be, we remain strong. The monumentous occasion of self actualization doesn't come with instant gratification but with a coy hint of patience. At times it can be frustrating. To know that all our lives we are nothing but an uphill battle until we reach the fulfillment of our true destiny. The rare occasion of forseeing one's fate is only accomplished by few in a lifetime. To have a story to pass on and a livelihood to be cherished is an eventual goal we all can admire.

Silhouette Study.

One of my most favorite muses inspired me within the last few days. I have completely given myself over to my desire to create. There have been obstacles holding me back, but the most complex hurdle has been myself. The want to give myself over long ago has been heavy on my heart. Now it's right.

Although my heart and mind are full of stories, ideas, influence, emotions, and soulful aspirations; I must allow myself to enter into a deep slumber to combat this illness.  I've been sick since I've arrived in Norfolk, but that doesn't know it is holding me back from everything I have wanted to do, including doing a photography study today.

A goal I have developed for myself is to do a different photography study each day. Being able to constantly photograph and create art will keep me always moving forward. Today, I chose a silhouette study. My subject is my best friend, a tall and lean perfect silhouette - if you ask me. The sunset, the ocean, and the moon were beautiful; so nature inspired me to keep shooting. I shot until darkness completely took over the landscape.

Keep inspiring one another. You never know when a compliment or a simple hello may turn someone's day around in order for them too to be inspired to do what they love the most.

© Photography by Alison

April 7th: 12:33 AM.

Well, here I am. I have missed blogging beyond explanation. I don't know what it is about it that releases some of my inner demons and inner beauty all at the same time. However, after the last few weeks of hecticness, I have changed my view of what I need to be writing about. I don't really like to write anymore with a pen and paper as much as I enjoy just sitting down and quickly typing up my thoughts on a given topic I feel like expressing. I still do keep a small journal but just I'm not as religious with it, kind of like that of many other aspects in my life. I wish I was able to complete the loose ends that I have in my life. I need to jot these ideas down so that I can pursue them as well as figure out what direction I want to go with them in my life. Which I feel is ultimately one of the most important things.

Anyways, moving on to what is currently going on in my life. I will be leaving for Norfolk in the morning with Maunie, my sister-in-law to be. Maunie has been in town for three weeks helping Mark's Nan with the move to the new house and helping since her heart attack a few Fridays ago. It was a huge scare and it also warranted Pap in the nursing home; however, we all visit him and bring him his favorite treats, so we are hoping this will be a positive change for all parties. We have been boxing, packing, unboxing, unpacking for weeks now. It's time for Maunie to go back home to Norfolk and take a breather but also have some time to just relax and she invited me to come along. I am really excited, because this will a great girls vacation for us. We probably in the future won't have the time or chance to do that because deployments, Navy, Nursing, Mark and I getting married, their marriage as well -- so now seems to be the perfect time. I will be gone for 12 days. I have a little bit of separation anxiety from my baby, but I think we have some really fun things planned and I can't wait to take photos all over the coast of Virginia! We have plans for the beach and some yummy restaurants, possibly a plantation house and seeing all the mermaids in town as well. I can't wait!

I packed. Cleaned up a bit. Cooked a few things for Mark. Still have to write him a list of things to get accomplished while I'm gone, but I hope he gets work, gym time, and game time while I'm gone as well. Like a staycation for him! He got done a little early from work tonight, so I hope we can spend some quality time before I leave at 8 am. We have plans to Skype at least three times, but alls everyday - so it should be alright, especially because I'm taking my Mac. I couldn't survive without it!

Today was my half birthday. 24 and a half. I made it through cancer. I'm living through trigeminal neuralgia. I can do this. 25 is six months away and I want to document every last bit of my 24th year. It is my mission and goal. Each day blog and post a photo from that day. Today I don't have a photo, but I will start tomorrow with my travels. 

Tonight.

Insomnia -- what a wonderful thing. Sarcasm queues. My life -- its one giant tale of folklore. Hard to believe things could actually happen like they do to me, oh but they do. I want to write a series. The best way to start is to collect each tid bit of stories and scenarios I've been in and write about it. I swear just the uncanny situations on a daily basis make you wonder who the hell is watching over me. Cause they must have gone out for lunch.

Grow Upward and Onward.

When I feel like I have nothing, I should open my eyes.
When I feel as though my eyes won't open, I should just remember.
Those who we love never truly leave us.
Our hearts are their homes so long as we remember.

Sincerity, simplicity, and sensibility.
Allow me to grow and conform.
I thank my stars and mother earth for my second chance at life.
Maybe this time around I'll do it right.
Perhaps my eyes will remain open,
and my memories keen.
For their importance surpasses all worldy things.

Dreamcatcher is an idea for a tattoo, thoughts?

Configure Me to Perfection.

Program me.
That's what you want,
Isn't it?
Perfection.
Because of this rejection
Otherwise.
Open and honest,
Or closed and hiding something.
We all have a choice.
Memories forgotten.
Life worth l living,
If you just submit.