All because I slept.

If ever there was a time to start blogging again, it would be now. Everything is fresh in my mind. I can watch it all like a movie on the big screen.

Conscience and subconscience working together to bring the onslaught of a thousand washed up hopes. I wonder, ponder, worry, and despair over it all. As my other thoughts that lie below the surface are shufted into nightmares, dreams of a sort.

How can the mind be so powerful to recall your worries as you sleep? It personifies all of our deepest fears and desires, nearly mocking us into a fainted reality only to be woken by the sun as it rises overhead. Never did I feel more defeated but when these hauntings consume me. Mood and feeling are altered by the mere accusation that all could be lost in a simple instant. It could come back.

I assure you, there would be no parade or welcome as it arrived to settle in. The burning, aching fear still lives within me. Does anyone even know or care to notice? Or do I walk around with a sign on my face and all those who I thought would care simply are used to the sign. Peace is a stranger. I wish it were different.

A simile.

It was nothing like anything I had ever done before. The feeling was unique to that moment. I especially loved being on the back when Mark was driving. He had my life in his hands, just like he has my heart. The metaphor was simple really and all too perfect. Gliding through the air at a speed like that, no one but him and fate to protect me. Something may seem a bit macabre about having life on the precipice of death only to be on the precipice of the meaning of life. A beautiful simile: to be free. Feeling free and reveling in it; an all consuming propulsion outwards into what we know as the world. Extrovertion commandeers; while the weight is shifted. Freedom comes in all different ways, no matter how it comes about. One may never be free from themselves, condemned always by a rooted fear deep within. Once those nightmares shatter and the veil dissipates, it is like a new day arrives with a glimmer of what it means to be free. I'm bound by the chains of fear and pain, illness and worry. For a moment in time, I break free from those bindings to discover the me that is underneath the surface of darkness. Although perhaps it is brief, it summons a rising hope. For the future may hold a permanent freedom, a final peace to have and to hold all the days until the end.

Tonight's Blurb.

Well, I just got back from seeing Fast 6. I am surprised at how much I really liked it. I have come to really enjoy action movies, especially since dating the emperor of epic, adventure guy movies. I think it all started with my enjoyment for fantasy and sci-fi now it turned into just anything downright epic.  I have come to realize that if I reach outside of my comfort zone and try other things, I might actually surprise myself when I like it. Trying to embrace some of Mark's interests as well as our similar ones has seemed to be successful. I would never be playing League of Legends or Magic. I would never have expanded my palette for food or for movie genres and so on. I am trying to take each experience in my life and look at it under a microscope, if you will. After something happens, I hope to see if I grew from it, or waned from it. There just seems to be a happy medium here that exists because of my openness at trying new things. Since I feel as though it was a positive move, I will deem this a successful experience in how I reacted to something new. I know that Mark values that in a partner. Spontaneity, adventure, willingness to try new things; all something we each seek and we have found. There is not a single thing as of right now in our relationship that I would change. I only hope as time moves through and we enjoy life and heal from my ailments, that we will take this relationship to another level. When that happens, I will be forever grateful to whomever is out there looking over me that fated us back into each other's arms. As I lie my head down at night, I hope to be thankful for what I have taken from today. The reason I like to document things like I do is because tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day -- these memories will all be but a blur. Unless it is written and recorded so that it does itself justice with the raw energy and pureness that exudes from the very thought of it. Memories are way too precious to be lost. Memories and time are all we have. This moment is all that we are given.

My Last Wish.

If ever there comes a time that I am to leave this world, share my adventures.

If I never am able to share my story to the corners of the world, share them for me.

If at the end I seem to lose my mind, find it for me. Help me remember.

If somehow I can not speak for myself, tell him I love him. Remind him.

If upon my last breath I can not muster a simple goodbye, do not cry.

If and when I do, remember the pink in my cheeks and the love in my heart.

If you must cry, cry because our adventure together has ended.

If my adventure ends before yours,

then promise me to continue the escapade and pass on my story.

Poetry.

you just can't compete;

the sun, the galaxy, or all it's wonder.

you shine beyond something measurable.

in time and space we know of one life;

but with you, it's as though I have many.

all concepts of moment in time dissipate

and we are free of all man made restraints, such as time.

this life is merely a prequel

to the eternity

the massive always

I am granted

with you.

Date Nights Make Your Week!

Wednesday; our typical date night. I am so blessed to be with someone that values keeping the flame in a relationship going just as much as I do. We decided awhile back that we would start doing date nights one night a week. Because my lover is only off two days a week, usually Wednesday and Thursday, we decided to basically go on Wednesdays. We set an entire afternoon and evening aside for just us, outside the house doing something we like to do. Since Valentine's Day we have done dinner and a movie out once a week. In the course of time from February 14th until now, exactly a month, we have seen five movies: Beautiful Creatures, Warm Bodies, Snitch, Jack the Giant Slayer, and Oz: The Great and Powerful. We have eaten at Olive Garden, Undos (twice), Red Lobster and somewhere else but we can't remember. Anyways, the point is these date nights have been so wonderful for our relationship. I know that my love for this man is irrevocable. Just nights like these allow you to enjoy the little things you love about each other.

 

As far as a review for these movies, if anyone is interested in me posting for any particular please let me know and I will be happy to! I liked them all, some more than others. Nonetheless I still enjoy time with my sweetheart as well as indulging in a great fantasy world to help me escape my everyday life.

Speaking of everyday life, I have been in a great deal of pain lately. So nights like these really make me happy. Although it is a little exhausting to keep me going all afternoon and evening out, I still enjoy it and the medicines help me out a bit. The doctors, my mom, my man, my sister, and a few important friends have kept me sane these last few weeks. I never thought that I would be living in a world of pain. Then again I never thought I'd be living in the same town with my mom again, and that means the world to me. I also never thought I'd live through this battle. I also thought I could never have something I cherish above all, true love. And indeed I have it again, in him. 

Grow Upward and Onward.

When I feel like I have nothing, I should open my eyes.
When I feel as though my eyes won't open, I should just remember.
Those who we love never truly leave us.
Our hearts are their homes so long as we remember.

Sincerity, simplicity, and sensibility.
Allow me to grow and conform.
I thank my stars and mother earth for my second chance at life.
Maybe this time around I'll do it right.
Perhaps my eyes will remain open,
and my memories keen.
For their importance surpasses all worldy things.

Dreamcatcher is an idea for a tattoo, thoughts?