Thinspiration: Day Ten and Eleven

There's so much that hasn't been documented in the last two days. I will basically just start where I feel importance lies. Yesterday was a blur now that I look back on it. I worked really hard cleaning the house, moving the furniture around in a Pinterest-esque manner, and working to make our house feel like a home. This was sparked by Mark's news that the 50" tv he ordered had arrived and was ready for pick up. On his way home from work, which he got off early, he picked it up.  He came home to a spotless, adorable house that was all ready for the new addition. (I say new addition because he was so excited about it you would have thought it was a baby.) He pulls the vizio out of the box and the screen is smashed. He ahas to send it back after they respond to the ticket he put it then they will send him back a new one. This is ridiculous I thought. I also felt so butthurt about it too because I worked hard to get the house ready in time. Something that made me laugh in the craziness of it all was actually something Mark said. He looked at the 32" we are currently using and said, "well..looks like you aren't retired just yet". So a little bit of comic relief in a less than perfect day.

However there were some good things about yesterday. I met with a potential client who was outstanding. Hoping for good things with that because I would love to work with her. I had a salad for lunch and ate lots of veggies the rest of the day as well as a healthy dinner. So although my diet hasn't beeb flawless lately I have still been able to maintain a decent balanced diet.

Moving into today, I wake up with a raging migraine so bad that I had to reschedule my photoshoot from this morning. I thwn bring myself to be able to make the bed, do the dishes, and make lunch. Well lunch was an epic example of my luck. I get all excited about this recipe I just created in my head. Its all finished. I take it out. Crash. The porclien shatters and mixes with my crusted potatoes. I cry. Naturally. Mark grabs the broom and hugs me. He hands me his card and says to go get Subway. He saved me because it had to recook it I would probably cry the whole time. So I go get our favorites and we eat lunch together.

We noticed that we hadnt seen Lulu our kitty all day. We exchanged questions about when we saw her last. We look everywhere and I mean everywhere. Ten minutes pass and we are still looking. I cry. Naturally. I shout her name in a panic. At this point I was so afraid. I also was thinking how upset I was getting overall and I was nervous to fall back into that deep dark depression I was in that I worked so hard to get out of. However my man found her in a place she has never hidden before. I cry more and pet her. As my eyes burn I find my way to the bathroom to wipe my last day or so's makeup off.

The phrase I cant have nice things seems to resonate through out the last few days. Hopefully itll only get better. Mark and I are on the way to pick up his car now so hopefully it will be fixed so I can have mine back and make some progress with things I need to progress in. I might ammend this later and update on the rest of the day. Then again I may not because it may not even be worth reading. Dear Norfolk, I miss you. Sincerely, Me.

Thinspiration: Day Nine

Disclaimer: This post should not be called Thinspiration....well, or thin anything. I did everything but eat in a "Thinspirational manner". But more on that later...

This morning I woke up, reluctantly, as my alarm went off after only sleeping around four hours. However I knew that today was the day. A day that holds an exceedingly important measure of what my forever entails. For in this day will be a key to the treasure box or a slightly different and yet undesirable new map with new explorations to encounter. Although at the end of this day, this epic quest of mine, I will not know the answer my prayers and the prayers of many. However, I will know in less than a week's time what the outcome will indeed be. For that, I am grateful. The sentiment that I am feeling attributes to finally knowing. No more empty bottled questions, if you will. All will be explained and a new path will be set which will determine everything. Waiting....

The PET scan went as exceptional as it could possibly go, given the nature of needles in veins and waiting in a cold truck for machines to scan the radioactive sugar deep within your body.  I did not feel as tired as the first PET I had and I'm not sure why that is.  It is possibly that my body is different now, stronger. Possibly. Always a nice thought to have. As all things pass, so did this and I returned to my remedial Monday afternoon...or so I thought.

As we (Mark took me to my scan...of course - my support, my life line, my all and my everything...who else?) arrived home, Mark asked me on a date today. Getting my mind off of it all, romancing me, dining, shopping, and seeing a movie - a date that I could never refuse (not that I would ever refuse a date from my one and only). I apply the usual smokey eye makeup while listening to some Coldplay radio as Mark sits in his "man throne". I finish my attire with a black blazer embellished with a zebra belt, a dark jean, and black boots. Utterly trending and edgy, being that this is not my typical look (however as most of you know - I have a pretty good fashion sense and can pull most things off even if I am volumptuous....if-I-do-say-so-myself). My love took one look at me, prying his eyes away from his newfound love of a game - Dust, and he blinked and quietly replied, "Wow. Look at you." Looking to his stained shirt and tattered jean he then retorted, "I'll go change." As he finished game with a smile intact.

I love those moments. The kind of moments where you know you were captivating. This blog is not about being skinny or even "thin" (as it even indicates in the title). It is about discovering oneself, overcoming and beating the odds, finding the true meaning of existence, and anything else that promotes strength in humanity inwardly or outwardly in others. This was my moment today. No, it wasn't a moment where my strength was physically regained and I could dance for an hour and fifteen minutes (which would break my post-cancer treatment record). And it also isn't an accomplishment involving weight loss, becoming pain free, or anything else of that fashion. But today, my accomplishment was much greater. I regained a sense of self. Having confidence, pride, and just raw belief in oneself; that is what was found today. I'm not sure whether it was in that exact moment or maybe a combination of moments throughout the course of the morning, afternoon, and evening. Or maybe my guardian angel was sick of seeing me feel sorry for myself and just thought right now would be a good time to kick my ass if I didn't shape up ;) -- all joking aside, I truly feel inspired. I feel as though when I wake up in the morning and start my day, I will feel fresh. The ability to start fresh - for cancer patients, survivors, or I'm sure anyone who has been through extreme hardships - is a gift; a treasure beyond comprehensible measure. And that is what I call a successful day. Even if myfitnesspal would kick my ass for the calories inhaled on our date at Logan's Steakhouse. You know what - as a strong, beautiful curvaceous woman I desired it; everything, even down to the last crouton on my salad, which was indeed smothered in ranch. 

Thinspiration: Day Eight

Sunday, the day of rest. I must use this phrase literally today, because of orders from the doctors. Tomorrow I have a PET scan in the early morning. Since it is such an intensive test, I need to get some R&R today. I don't mind; however, I really have a craving to dance. I love music and dancing, it really inspires me.

I attended my Skype call with the website I work for as well as did some photography marketing. I feel exceedingly accomplished for the most part. I have a full week ahead of me, so after my scan tomorrow it is on.

Today I cooked my man and myself a healthy egg whites breakfast with fruits. Then for lunch I made a Healthy Taco Salad. I browned some ground turkey in a skillet with some cumin. Chopped some romaine lettuce, added fat free sour cream, some cheese, and black beans. It really was delicious and not too many calories. Eating healthy is a true challenge. However, I find that if the healthy foods are convenient it really isn't too difficult to eat that way. I have been snacking on clementines like crazy, so delicious. When I run out I will probably cry if I don't have a backup crate somewhere in my near future.

So for curiousity Maunie and her husband weighed in today and they both lost weight in just Wednesday! How wonderful! I haven't been eating too bad but not too good either. I have been so hungry. But since Wednesday I still have lost .4 lbs. It makes me happy to know that I can do it even in my darkest of days. I hope to continue this week making great choices and feeling up to working out after the scan is all over with and my energy is back so that I can reach at least one pound lost. Because if you google "one pound of fat" and go to the images -- no one can be sad about losing that! Good luck ladies and gents as we enter another week of wellness.

Thinspiration: Day Six and Seven

Combining two days because I forgot to write yesterday: I feel a bit sad that I was not able to blog yesterday. Too many things happened to make these last few days feel like a blur. I was able to exercise yesterday for about an hour. Danced and danced and danced. We almost wanted to keep going because we were having so much fun.

I admittedly was treated to a pizza last night, so my caloric intake was maximized. So glad I worked out yesterday because I was not able to help myself. I felt like a camel with no water in sight when I saw those carbs! I didn't over indulge but I allowed myself to enjoy something I enjoy eating while not over doing it.

I am emotionally on a rollercoaster that incessantly meanders through my very existence. Hoping to overcome some of the battles of my everyday life is a lot unlike your average everyday 24-year old woman. Sure I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, feed the kitties, do some chores, cook breakfast or lunch everyday just like everyone else out there in those world; but when did those things I just listed become so difficult? Why do everyday tasks seem so challenging at times? I want to be able to wake up and my depression be gone and my cancer survivorship become something that I am able embrace and move on from. But it really is affecting my every day life. I want to be able move past this.

Losing weight while hoping for a negative PET scan is a challenging thing, you know. The enormous question mark looming in the air overhead gives a sense of the unknown. Some of my most prevalent fears include fear of the unknown and fear of the dark. The metamorphic idea that the unknown is much like the dark provides a haunting within. There are going to be good days and bad days, but maybe if the phrase "I can't have nice things" would leave my life for good that I would stop having so many more bad than good.

It would be asinine to think that my weight loss, cancer, and lifestyle change could happen in seven days. I just know that I want to be able to feel myself moving through the woods at a faster rate. Feeling down, not having heat, and my negative attitude today has not helped anything one little bit. I do know that I hope for the best and a brighter day tomorrow. I guess that is all that I can hope for. I know that this transformation will take awhile. Time is of the essence, as they say. I will never take time for granted again. Not after what I have been through. From what I have tasted of hell, I believe it is something that you walked around with..not somewhere you go when it is all over at the final bell. 

Thinspiration: Day Five

Well better late than never they always say. Even though its not healthy for your body, I am admittedly a night owl. I cant sleep at night (too much exciting things going on or interesting things I get lost in) and I cant wake up in the morning (I force...literally force...myself out of bed at times). With that being said here I am...

Did things a little different today. Relaxed with my man (always good for the soul) then I had a late afternoon meeting. I made Easy Chicken Fajitas for dinner. So delicious! (Unlike last night's pork chops -- do not attempt) I cubed chicken and put it in a large skillet with some evoo and seasoned with nature seasoning. Waited til the chicken was done and added chopped onions and green peppers with a littlw bit of cumin and water. Put a lid on it and steam. Voila! Chicken Fajitas. Serve with wheat wraps, fat free sour cream, cheese, lettuce, tomato and whatever else your heart desires. So good. All guinea pigs approve.

After my one fajitas (pat on the back) Maunie and I danced for about 45 minutes. Did all our fun songs and laughed a lot. It was really great to feel the support especially on weigh in Wednesday! So I weighed in 2.4 lbs less than last Wednesday! Yay! This is progress and I cant wait for it to continue.

Thinspiration: Day Four

Here I am on this below-zero wind chill evening blogging curled up in blankets and hoodies and slippers because of the lack of heat in my house. I have found something greatly motivating about the cold in here -- it makes me want to dance and warm up; because when I dance (Maunie and I both) sweat like crazy because we just keep going.

My lover had the day off today so we spent time around the house watching our favorite show together, by the season (as you Netflix fans out there well know). Then I decided to dance and I admittedly am feeling it more today than any other day. My muscles are a bit sore and the dancing burned more than usual. But you know what they say, if you feel a burn you know it is working. So can't complain, just noticing what is going on in my body. Hoping that it is changes for the good.

Nutrition wise today I must say it has been very well rounded.  I made Mark and I egg whites (yum) with a clementine (I could live off those things). I also made lunch for us today also some healthy sandwiches, but tonight I made a new dish. Something I am excited to try, being that it is still finishing up cooking in the crock pot.

Apple Sauce Pork Chops is the dish of choice for another day into our Thinspiration. The recipe is super easy and I'm sure delicious. All you do is spray some Pam on the sides and bottom of your crock pot and place your very lean pork chops inside. (I cut a little fat off and they were still super lean) Then you use applesauce to coat the tops of them followed with a sprinkle of sugar (I used Truvia) and a sprinkle of cinnamon, then layer until all chops have been used. I will most likely pair this with a large salad, because I have a ton of fresh romaine in the fridge that I don't want to go to waste.

I like to think that food-wise I am doing really well. Considering in Norfolk just last week we had Cal'z Pizza three times in five days with their Cheesy-cheese Calzone of goodness sopping with grease. I think the transition has gone as good as it could go. I am enjoying my food, meanwhile trying to teach myself the difference between hunger and thirst. The healthier the food as well the better I feel and I hope that others can learn from that as well by reading my story. I have been drinking water like it is going to dry up soon. I thought that I would miss pop (my diet pepsi consumption was something like a 12-pack a day there for awhile) but you know what -- water makes me feel so much better and I don't really miss it at all. I'm sure if I was out in the world a little more (instead of just getting well and cured from cancer) that I would be more tempted when I see Marge over there drinking a Big Gulp. But no, I am seeming doing pretty well and I have a great support system to encourage it all. Those who are closest to me are reaching for their same kinds of goals, overall wellness. My best friend, my better half, my sister, my best friend's husband - we are all wanting to change our lives with this movement and develop habits that are not just 'diets', but a lifestyle change.

Thinspiration: Day Three

Today's path to wellness was paved with obstacles, but nothing I couldn't overcome.  I woke up with my early alarm only to have a headache (or more precisely some neuralgia from the cancer and surgery). I wanted to get through the pain so that I could still have a productive day ahead of me.

Later this afternoon Maunie and I were able to dance again, keeping with our routine. We made it an hour! I was so proud of myself being able to enjoy making my muscles wake up with every dance we did. The funny thing I thought of while I was dancing was some of the meanings of the songs. I really do love all of the "ethnic" songs on Just Dance 4. The Ketchup Song and Beware of the Boys are two of the most amazing songs. I love getting lost in the music with those two especially.  But when it comes to some other songs, I wonder how some of these artists make their millions. Like why on earth is Super Bass considered 'talent' or these boy bands all over the place. Music these days is nothing like Sinatra or even Aguilera. If anyone is interested in what I find to be talented, my favorite talents are that of Cold Play or Enya. They make me go to a place where I can escape, relax, or breath more deeply. This most definitely helps me with my mental progress which benefits my overall wellness.

Lunchtime consisted of some healthy left overs, but for dinner I made homemade Hibachi Chicken. I cubed chicken for what felt like an eternity, stuck some in the freezer, and put enough for me and my lover in the skillet with some EVOO. On high, because the key of Hibachi is to keep the pan very hot. Like Ian Somerhalder hot, if that is even possible. If you notice the little Hibachi cooks they go so fast so that the meat cooks evenly and still stays tender. Having all of your ingredients ready is also something that helps make it easier so there is no risk for overcooking. The recipe I used is right off of Pinterest. If you are a girlfriend, wife, fiance, future lover, boyfriend, sister, mother, or dementor you have a Pinterest. Just follow the healthiest recipe you can find and you will end up with some delicious healthy Hibachi to impress.  The more vegetables the better; some of my favorite are zucchini, onion, grated carrot...did I mention zucchini? I also made a homemade healthy version of yum-yum sauce. Light mayo, cayenne pepper, sugar, tomato paste, and melted butter - the secret is to let it sit overnight in the fridge for the ingredients to marinade. However, I was impatient and wanted to enjoy my fresh Hibachi, so I decided to put some yum-yum on the side to have with my meal. I'm sure it really is much better when you wish it together and let it sit overnight. But it was pretty good nonetheless. I hope to get an approval from the Mr. when he gets home from work.
Even though today was a bit hectic, I still was able to work out for an hour, cook a health dinner, and enjoy some of my favorite things. I guess what is important in life is that every day you do at least one thing that makes you smile. Smiling heals all wounds.

Thinspiration: Day Two

Well, that alarm went off again this morning as a subtle reminder that I need to keep to the new schedule that Maunie and I have so eloquently designed for our new lifestyle. Starting to dance felt great, so much so that I danced longer than I planned. I am proud of myself for that. We did only Just Dance 4 today (which I HIGHLY recommend - best songs than any dance game out there). So Maunie and I get to Skype, say good morning, and start working towards our goal weights all before 10:00 am. Although going to bed late makes it difficult to wake up sometimes, I think I will sooner or later get on a better sleep schedule.

Mark and I went to my mother's to do laundry and have lunch today.  Mom and I made some homemade, delicious Healthy Tuna Salad. Mince four stalks of celery and three hard-boiled eggs, place them in a medium mixing bowl and mix together. Drain three cans of tuna in water and add to the mixture. Then measure about 3/4 cup of Miracle Whip Light and add to mixture. Blend together with a little bit of paprika.

There are several ways to serve this dish. One of which is on your traditional bread of choice, mine being Multigrain bread. Also it can be served, like my mother likes, on a wheat wrap. Or, my favorite and healthier option is a large piece of Romaine lettuce. That is how I served my sandwich today or as I call it Lettuce Wrap.

This is a great alternative to the constant lunch meat grind of turkey or roast beef (in my case).  I seem to need to incorporate more fish into my diet and this is a great way to do that.  I also am trying to cut out red meats, slowly but surely. I'm sure that I will still indulge in the occasional medium steak or burger on the 4th of July, but needless to say - I don't think that red meat does much for your waist line. My better half will never approve of cutting it out completely; however, I plan to trick him by using turkey meat to substitute without him noticing (because I'm that magnificent of a chef). What I will try to do so that he doesn't get sick of poultry or fish is to at least one dinner a week, for now, use some type of different meat or red meat. Flat steaks or small round steaks can be easily made into a savory Steak Fajitas or a light and fresh Steak Salad. So that is my plan that I am working towards as far as the red meat goes.

When it comes to my mental well being, I admittedly had a bit of trouble today. I struggled with some things that I wish I was able to maintain in a better way. I would like to make it a goal to start meditating again and really focusing on letting my true personality shine. I have heard before that a lot of people repress their true self because of something that has happened in his or her past and I don't want to become that person. The people who have hurt me are leaving my life, if not gone already. I am pruning my life of the evils and inner demons that have had a hold over me for far too long.

It seems as though it all will come together so long as we stay on path with everything. I can't wait to embody my hopes and dreams and fulfill myself in every way for a better future.

Thinspiration: Day One

8:45 am, the alarm goes off. I fight back my overtired "let's stay in bed" thoughts, because I know today will be different. The beginning of something that I hope will change my life forever. Maunie, my future sister-in-law, lives 500 miles away from me. So in order to continue to inspire each other, despite the distance, we have created an amazing project. An all-aspects-of-life makeover. Starting this morning 9:30 am.

After I woke up, I made breakfast to jump start my metabolism. The dish of choice was Spicy Egg White with Black Bean Burritos. Simple, delicious dish. I may post that recipe sometime soon or whenever I make it next.

Starting off drinking bottled water and stretching for exercise. At 9:30 Maunie and I connect via Skype, select Just Dance 2 & 4 and dance for about 45 minutes. We simultaneously chose songs and danced together. It was like having her right here by me dancing like the summer time.

It felt amazing and invigorating to begin dancing again..to start this project in general. Afterwards, I went grocery shopping to get all of the ingredients for all of the healthy dishes we are planning to make this week. I was very frugal and spent everything wisely to contour to our budget.

At 8pm Maunie and I got on Skype again to make a delicious healthy meal togrther. We chose for our first meal, Spinach and Cheese Lasagna Rolls. We chopped spinach, mixed cheeses, and rolled lasagna rolls at the same time. 500 miles away and we are teaching each other things!

The recipe is simple and enjoyable to make. Wilt spinach in microwave for 2 minutes with a tiny bit of butter and 3 cloves of minced garlic, stirring every 20 seconds. Meanwhile boil the lasagna noodles, I used whole wheat lasagna noodles in order to get some more nutrients into my diet. Mix ricotta and mozerella cheeses with the spinach mixture. Lie cooked noodles in greased baking pan. Spread mixture onto the lasagna noodles sparingly. Top with your favorite sauce, I used Prego fresh mushroom, as well as some mozerella cheese. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. It was absolutely delicious and satisfying. Hopefully when my man gets home from work he will approve as well.

I feel very accomplished an inspired. These life changes and weight loss will only allow my road to wellness to be paved with positivity. Maunie is my leading support in this journey and I, hers. We hope to inspire others to join us as we change our lives for the better and creste habits as we settle down with our men for a beautiful future.