Disclaimer: This post should not be called Thinspiration....well, or thin anything. I did everything but eat in a "Thinspirational manner". But more on that later...
This morning I woke up, reluctantly, as my alarm went off after only sleeping around four hours. However I knew that today was the day. A day that holds an exceedingly important measure of what my forever entails. For in this day will be a key to the treasure box or a slightly different and yet undesirable new map with new explorations to encounter. Although at the end of this day, this epic quest of mine, I will not know the answer my prayers and the prayers of many. However, I will know in less than a week's time what the outcome will indeed be. For that, I am grateful. The sentiment that I am feeling attributes to finally knowing. No more empty bottled questions, if you will. All will be explained and a new path will be set which will determine everything. Waiting....
The PET scan went as exceptional as it could possibly go, given the nature of needles in veins and waiting in a cold truck for machines to scan the radioactive sugar deep within your body. I did not feel as tired as the first PET I had and I'm not sure why that is. It is possibly that my body is different now, stronger. Possibly. Always a nice thought to have. As all things pass, so did this and I returned to my remedial Monday afternoon...or so I thought.
As we (Mark took me to my scan...of course - my support, my life line, my all and my everything...who else?) arrived home, Mark asked me on a date today. Getting my mind off of it all, romancing me, dining, shopping, and seeing a movie - a date that I could never refuse (not that I would ever refuse a date from my one and only). I apply the usual smokey eye makeup while listening to some Coldplay radio as Mark sits in his "man throne". I finish my attire with a black blazer embellished with a zebra belt, a dark jean, and black boots. Utterly trending and edgy, being that this is not my typical look (however as most of you know - I have a pretty good fashion sense and can pull most things off even if I am volumptuous....if-I-do-say-so-myself). My love took one look at me, prying his eyes away from his newfound love of a game - Dust, and he blinked and quietly replied, "Wow. Look at you." Looking to his stained shirt and tattered jean he then retorted, "I'll go change." As he finished game with a smile intact.
I love those moments. The kind of moments where you know you were captivating. This blog is not about being skinny or even "thin" (as it even indicates in the title). It is about discovering oneself, overcoming and beating the odds, finding the true meaning of existence, and anything else that promotes strength in humanity inwardly or outwardly in others. This was my moment today. No, it wasn't a moment where my strength was physically regained and I could dance for an hour and fifteen minutes (which would break my post-cancer treatment record). And it also isn't an accomplishment involving weight loss, becoming pain free, or anything else of that fashion. But today, my accomplishment was much greater. I regained a sense of self. Having confidence, pride, and just raw belief in oneself; that is what was found today. I'm not sure whether it was in that exact moment or maybe a combination of moments throughout the course of the morning, afternoon, and evening. Or maybe my guardian angel was sick of seeing me feel sorry for myself and just thought right now would be a good time to kick my ass if I didn't shape up ;) -- all joking aside, I truly feel inspired. I feel as though when I wake up in the morning and start my day, I will feel fresh. The ability to start fresh - for cancer patients, survivors, or I'm sure anyone who has been through extreme hardships - is a gift; a treasure beyond comprehensible measure. And that is what I call a successful day. Even if myfitnesspal would kick my ass for the calories inhaled on our date at Logan's Steakhouse. You know what - as a strong, beautiful curvaceous woman I desired it; everything, even down to the last crouton on my salad, which was indeed smothered in ranch.
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