Combining two days because I forgot to write yesterday: I feel a bit sad that I was not able to blog yesterday. Too many things happened to make these last few days feel like a blur. I was able to exercise yesterday for about an hour. Danced and danced and danced. We almost wanted to keep going because we were having so much fun.
I admittedly was treated to a pizza last night, so my caloric intake was maximized. So glad I worked out yesterday because I was not able to help myself. I felt like a camel with no water in sight when I saw those carbs! I didn't over indulge but I allowed myself to enjoy something I enjoy eating while not over doing it.
I am emotionally on a rollercoaster that incessantly meanders through my very existence. Hoping to overcome some of the battles of my everyday life is a lot unlike your average everyday 24-year old woman. Sure I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, feed the kitties, do some chores, cook breakfast or lunch everyday just like everyone else out there in those world; but when did those things I just listed become so difficult? Why do everyday tasks seem so challenging at times? I want to be able to wake up and my depression be gone and my cancer survivorship become something that I am able embrace and move on from. But it really is affecting my every day life. I want to be able move past this.
Losing weight while hoping for a negative PET scan is a challenging thing, you know. The enormous question mark looming in the air overhead gives a sense of the unknown. Some of my most prevalent fears include fear of the unknown and fear of the dark. The metamorphic idea that the unknown is much like the dark provides a haunting within. There are going to be good days and bad days, but maybe if the phrase "I can't have nice things" would leave my life for good that I would stop having so many more bad than good.
It would be asinine to think that my weight loss, cancer, and lifestyle change could happen in seven days. I just know that I want to be able to feel myself moving through the woods at a faster rate. Feeling down, not having heat, and my negative attitude today has not helped anything one little bit. I do know that I hope for the best and a brighter day tomorrow. I guess that is all that I can hope for. I know that this transformation will take awhile. Time is of the essence, as they say. I will never take time for granted again. Not after what I have been through. From what I have tasted of hell, I believe it is something that you walked around with..not somewhere you go when it is all over at the final bell.
I admittedly was treated to a pizza last night, so my caloric intake was maximized. So glad I worked out yesterday because I was not able to help myself. I felt like a camel with no water in sight when I saw those carbs! I didn't over indulge but I allowed myself to enjoy something I enjoy eating while not over doing it.
I am emotionally on a rollercoaster that incessantly meanders through my very existence. Hoping to overcome some of the battles of my everyday life is a lot unlike your average everyday 24-year old woman. Sure I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, feed the kitties, do some chores, cook breakfast or lunch everyday just like everyone else out there in those world; but when did those things I just listed become so difficult? Why do everyday tasks seem so challenging at times? I want to be able to wake up and my depression be gone and my cancer survivorship become something that I am able embrace and move on from. But it really is affecting my every day life. I want to be able move past this.
Losing weight while hoping for a negative PET scan is a challenging thing, you know. The enormous question mark looming in the air overhead gives a sense of the unknown. Some of my most prevalent fears include fear of the unknown and fear of the dark. The metamorphic idea that the unknown is much like the dark provides a haunting within. There are going to be good days and bad days, but maybe if the phrase "I can't have nice things" would leave my life for good that I would stop having so many more bad than good.
It would be asinine to think that my weight loss, cancer, and lifestyle change could happen in seven days. I just know that I want to be able to feel myself moving through the woods at a faster rate. Feeling down, not having heat, and my negative attitude today has not helped anything one little bit. I do know that I hope for the best and a brighter day tomorrow. I guess that is all that I can hope for. I know that this transformation will take awhile. Time is of the essence, as they say. I will never take time for granted again. Not after what I have been through. From what I have tasted of hell, I believe it is something that you walked around with..not somewhere you go when it is all over at the final bell.
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