An Apparition.

Like a pond has a reflection, as does the mind.
When it is still, a recollection appears.

Whether it be body, mind, or spirit;
These apparitions can haunt you,
Make you full of joy,
Or simply leave you numb.

Scent of memories linger.
Recalling the aromas of old,
Rekindles a long forgotten thought.

Lost ancients pass through the conscience.
Flooding back in like an apocalyptic flood.
But this inundation is not one to frighten.
A calm, soothing comes over,
As a familiar sensation welcoming you home.

Satisfaction Because Rome Wasn't Built in a Day.

Satisfaction comes in many forms. It may present itself in getting a promotion, seeing a child excel at sports, or maybe by eating a luscious chocolate bar. I; however, have achieved satisfaction in my day and for me, that is enough.

It all started with my morning routine. I was proud that I was able to do what I hoped for myself for the day in every day. Brush, whiten, cleanse, moisturize, straighten, make-up, brush - just how I hoped for; I knew I could will myself to. I did my makeup today in my most favorite way. Being a makeup artist, I have so many options, colors, mattes. But my favorite for my eye shape and face shape is a silver and black smokey eye with vintage line and dramatic falsies - I use 105 Black from Walmart. I have bought Snooki lashes, which are BEAUTIFUL! however, when I lose one or overuse them I cry because of their price! But they are awesome to invest in at least one pair! However, for casual use - the Walmart ones are literally less than that fast food meal that you don't need anyways!


The straightener I use is absolutely by far the greatest straightener that I have ever had the privilege of using. My sister even went and bought one just like it, because she has found no greater. It is a Paul Mitchell and I'm seriously in love. I bought it in - get this December of 2008 and it is still here. (knock on wood) I would be so lost without it and I plan to buy Paul Mitchell

for years to come! I highly recommend it!

So this is the end result of my day of beauty. I went like this to my sister, Bobbi's cooking expo at her high school. She did wonderfully; proud mama! Afterwards I took some time and snapped a few landscape photographs. The way that the sky looked was too irresistible!
I did achieve satisfaction today. I had goals and I met most of them. I know something I do need to work on is being able to go to bed before the wee hours of the night. I work at night on the multiple projects I am involved with as well as blogging for you fine people. It is something I love and enjoy. My future hubby is playing games after a very long night at work, why not stay up and enjoy the night owl syndrome as well. I think I do need a day to relax. Do some crafting, hang with my bestie via Skype (since she is 500 miles away), watch some movies, & cook some amazing & healthy recipes.

I believe that is what my day tomorrow will look like after my appointment. I have an appointment with my neurologist and pain management specialist for my Trigeminal Neuralgia. It is the most painful thing in the world and she is the only person I trust to help me with it, so wish me luck!
Just remember to set daily goals for yourself. Nothing to outrageous! Cliche of the night: Rome wasn't built in a day!

www.facebook.com/wheelingphotography

© Photography by Alison

Every Woman Deserves to Feel Beautiful.

I have been so low maintenance lately with my hair, makeup, and just daily up-keep of a high maintenance woman. Ponytails, bangs pinned-up and out of the way, no nails done, no moisturizer on my face, no teeth whitening, lots of sweatpants and zip-up hoodies, four days a week with no makeup; all these an example of my daily life since I was diagnosed, but also since my lazy winter days ensued.
However, I feel spring coming around the bend. It is right on the horizon, whether a month or more, I still need to be ready.

 So today I took a step towards regaining my sense of beauty, because every woman deserves to feel beautiful. For me, I feel beauty most when I am at my most primp and proper. I have decided to be very conscious of my daily beauty routine and to simple stop rushing! Take the time to pluck those extra eyebrow hairs or use the extra whitening mouthwash to get those pearly whites to be...well, pearly.

For my preliminary beauty ritual begin with dying my hair. I don't believe in venturing to a salon with my Rapunzel-length hair and having them charge upwards of $150 to dye my hair. Being that my mother was a hair dresser - in the 80s, but a hairdresser nonetheless - I feel confident in my ability to perform self-dying at home. I have since I was in fifth grade when I thought highlights would make all those little bitches stop making fun of me so I would fit in. So much more fabulous and classy now than most of them could imagine - no harm done. Anyways...I used a new dye this time; Revlon Luxurious ColorSilk, the blue black - two boxes of course! It worked phenomenally, I tell ya. Softer, smells better, burns a bit less than any dye out there and it was only $4 a box, making my hair makeover an $8 debacle. The color turned out near exact to the model on the box; even though they tell you not to go by that - with this color I say exact my friends. So now that my hair is where I want it to be, with the length a beautiful lower back brushing. My hair really is one of my favorite things about myself so I take pride in it. Any techniques, styles, or tips that I can cover to help out please leave it in the comments.

My favorite products

Something I did tonight after taking my makeup off that I haven't done in awhile was use facial moisturizer. I have this amazing moisturizer called Neutrogena Naturals. I purchased this particular moisturizer when I was going through radiation. I needed something that was clean, natural, no perfumes or paraffin, and this really stood out for me.  It smells magnificent, isn't greasy or sticky, and leaves my face soft as can be. I really want to be able to get in the habit of daily use. Something I know must be done first is to wash my makeup off every single night. This is something I am absolutely terrible for. There are times where I only wash it off when I shower at night and I don't always do that at night or every night for that matter. (Oh, come on! You can't say you shower and wash that pretty little head of yours every single night! Don't judge me:) So yet another beauty method in which I can't wait to adapt back into just a simple habit.

My next feat of beauty is to brush my teeth at least three times a day. I know some people would be thinking gross I have adapted that habit since I was three. Well, morning and bedtime were the only times I was trained to brush as a child, so that is what I usually do. Any other times of the day just wasn't impressed upon me from a young age. What I would like to do is to brush my teeth after each meal or snack even. No, I don't mean six times a day, but I think that it will help with my diet too. Who wants to eat something after having a fresh mouth? So oral hygiene is definitely something I want to improve upon in the coming weeks. I thought about photographing my teeth for shade differences. I used to use my Crest 3D White mouthwash, a whitening stick or strips, etc in the past on a regular basis and I hope to get back to that as well. I think seeing the difference actually happening will spark that behavior to become more of a habit than a chore. 

My goal for tomorrow is to wake-up before 11, work out, straighten my hair, do makeup, eat well (small meals throughout the day & only water and milk), brush teeth three times, wash & moisturize my face, paint my nails (another coat because I did only one tonight), and cook for the week. With that being said, I need to go plan my meals for the week so that I can obtain a 1300 calorie max while still feel full and healthy.

Rise Above.

Nothing's gonna to shake me. I'm stronger than this.
I have high hopes and aspirations, higher than imaginable.
No demons are gonna break me. I'm better than that.

No sin, no shame, no measure of evil will break me.
I've created in me a new sense of self, one made of unbreakable bonds.
From the highest mountain to the deepest of oceans,
your subterfuge can not impale me anymore.

Interview from a History student & Potter fan.

Working for MuggleNet, we get amazing opportunities all the time. This interview was sent to the staff from a History student named Taryn. She was doing a project and wanted to have a few volunteers from the MuggleNet staff. I decided to take part and here is the interview. Enjoy!

What do you think attributed to the success of Harry Potter?

I believe that something so magical like Harry Potter just radiates success. It attracts men, women, and children of all cultures and backgrounds. Almost every person born into modern society over the entire globe knows Harry Potter for this simple reason. The widespread popularity of the series happened on it's own, without force. The most magical, captivating series of the century is what attributed to its' success. 

 

How long do you predict Harry Potter's success will last?

I do believe deep in my heart that Harry's longevity is everlasting. I think just like Dickens or The Brothers Grimm this magnificent tale will expand throughout generations to come. There is no end to such a colossal force that has brought children back to books. Children are reading again and literacy is through the roof, and I give an exceeding amount of credit to Jo Rowling. All of us fans who remain loyal to the legacy will never let it die. As new generations of readers are introduced to such a wondrous story so the journey and success will continue.

 

Do you believe Harry Potter will be considered a literary classic?

Well, based on my previous answers and on what I know in my heart I will have to say absolutely. It is a modern tale of love, friendship, sacrifice, and bravery; just to name a few. The authorship is so golden and the authenticity and passion that lines within the pages can only be found in a Potter novel. That is why Harry Potter, all seven novels, will be considered a literary classic that all our descendants will know and love.

What did J.K. Rowling do to create this success?

JK Rowling took a chance. She went out on a limb and was brave and fearless with a dream. Without her, we would never know this magical, breathtaking world that was so graciously shared with the world, thanks to Jo. Upon meeting JKR in NYC this fall, I realized she is a very humble individual. She does not realize the magnitude of her impact on the literary world. She continues to create content for Pottermore; sharing stories that only she knows, facts that are only in her shoe boxes. She will always be such a heroin of our generation and that attributes to the success of the series on a different level. 

What influences does Harry Potter have on culture?

Our culture, especially in the United States, has diminished to be completely cookie cutter. Children and teens grow up with electronics and never know what it is like to have real interaction with another person. Our culture is not personal anymore because of texting, messaging, video chat; the list goes on and on. But something that the Potter series shows our adolescents is to value the relationships with one another, stand up for what you believe in, sacrifice for those that you love. These are not values that can be taught on the internet. I know that Harry Potter has changed my life and made me a better person. On a more wide scale, if everyone around the world could just adapt those values into their lives, the world would be a better place. I believe that people are already doing that. Seeing what a story can teach you and applying it to your own life to better it and mold it into something wonderful; that is what the impact on our society is.

How far reaching is Harry Potter's influence?

Well, looking at number alone will tell you that is reaches every corner of the world. I don't want to quote numbers and figures to answer, because all I must say is that "there won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name". 

Why has Harry Potter been able to have this influence?

It has such a far reaching influence because of where the story takes you, what it teaches you, and so much more. The magical story, the amazing characters, far off places that only can be seen in our dreams, the values and morals or evil that is shown, the beauty of a novel that moves a generation - these are all reasons for the high impact that JKR has given to us through Potter. 

Potterheads have been recognized as the best fans. Why do you think this is?

Because it is the God's truth. I have never in my life seen another fandom so passionate, so involved and in love with a series. Going to LeakyCon, waiting at midnight showings or book releases, dressing up as characters from our beloved novels - these are all small exhibits of what we as Potter fans do to relive the series. But what is more is how we all treat one another. Harry Potter has brought people together from all walks of life and all different places all over the world. It gives us a place to call home and for that we are all so passionate and grateful. 

 

Why do you love Harry Potter?

From the moment I was able to read, I had a book in my hand. Nothing had captivated me quite like Harry Potter did when it was first released. Ever since then my love for the series never died. I have endured a difficult broken household growing up with a haunted childhood. Harry Potter was a safe place, my soft place to fall when the road was dark. I was in a Catholic school, but other than lessons there, I wasn't being taught anything about how to live my life and grow up to be a proper adult. Harry Potter taught me what was right, what was noble, what was just. I escaped from my mundane world of fighting and fright to a magical world where I could enjoy myself. As the years went on and more and more books were released I learned more about myself through the series. I grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione and could relate to them every step of the way. I survived my adolescence because of Harry. As I became an adult I have never stopped loving each and every detail of the series, what it has taught me, and JK Rowling has inspired me up and through my battle with cancer this year.  Meeting her was outstanding and it pulled me through when I was at my sickest. I reread the series during cancer treatments, surgeries, biopsies, and more. I learned more after the 5th or 6th time reading them. I know that nothing will surpass my love for this wondrous world. I will pass it along with my love down to future generations and hope for its success in the years to come.

Just a Day.

Today was just an ordinary day for the most part, nothing to offset the usual; however, I do feel the need to write about something exceedingly near and dear to my heart. I believe that everyone's true colors come out some time or another. Whether intentionally or non-intentionally the good, the bad, and the ugly start to emerge with time or different circumstances. I have learned in my 24 odd years on this earth that the people that I have known all my life are not all that they truly have seemed to be.  The older I get the wiser I become. I never used to think that would happen or that the phrase was true. I thought it was merely a remark made by elders to force all of the young folks to feel as though they don't understand anything. However I have discovered the latter. 

There is something about each person that rubs us the wrong way upon meeting said individual. Whether you have known them your whole life or just a few short months, we always notice something about every person that gets under our skin, rubs us the wrong way, or just simple doesn't fit or we don't approve of. Lately, maybe it is because of all that I have been through; I have noticed that more and more people in my life have been either disappointing me or rising above my initial first impression of them. Or perhaps it is my ability to really read people, see through motives, or I could be indeed judgmental, you choose. However, I wouldn't be so quick to think the latter until you hear the rest of the story.

Someone that I have been close to my entire adult life, some of my adolescence has been living in a way that I, and most people, would not deem appropriate. I value being a mother more than anything else on this planet and one day I plan to be one as well. But a different kind I guess you could say. I cherish the idea of having someone to love you unconditionally, forever and always. I can't wait for the day that I hold that being that I was able to conceive, grow in my body, and give birth to. That will be my number one importance in my life and I will sacrifice anything and everything for him or her. I believe that a level of class demonstrates what kind of mother you will be. No, I'm not talking about money or wealth of any kind; unless you are speaking of wealth of morality or moral fiber. There are so many examples of which I will rise above in my life to give my child and I just can't come to terms with someone I have been close to treating their daughter or son in this way. A broken family happens. I grew up in one. That doesn't mean that raising that child like a slapstick comedy is appropriate. Reading stories, teaching him/her to walk, bath time, teaching him/her to feed themselves, playing catch, dancing, taking photographs, smiling and laughing together; the list goes on and on. But this list is just a small tribute to what I would be doing with my child instead of running around like I am a thirteen year old girl who just discovered her genitals and had her first beer.

Now, one may think I am being a bit harsh. But when it comes to another human being's life, I don't think that one can be subtle if someone is out of line (and has been for awhile). This is the same person who didn't do a damn thing for me emotionally even during my cancer. How can I expect anything from that person then? I guess I shouldn't.

Another remarkable instance that I have been encountering lately is that of a person that I have known since birth. Grew up together, played together; we were inseparable at one point. This last year (for some reason) has changed it all. Cancer to this person meant the common cold. Funny enough because they should know about it being their chosen profession. I just have been offended over and over and over and (well, you get it). To me, there is a certain melody to the sound of victory; however, brutal one must get. My recipe triumphed giving me a sense of pride, as silly as that sounds. (only a few people will know what this means and for the sake of this story it really is not important) The only thing that is needed to be taken from this is my being and core has been shaken by the upheaval of a relationship with this person.  Coming from a family who struggled to put a meal on the table, I take pride in what I have. I try not to let others and their sense of snobbish take my spirit, although this individual has stolen my spirit time and time again. I refuse to be told that I do not understand something from someone who has been given everything. You know those people who coasted through high school, got college paid for for them by their daddies and mommies, never had a single problem all the years of their lives? Those people who don't lift a finger or work for a damn thing? I'm sure we all know those people and have had some put us all down. Well, that description fits this people to a tee. Their very nature rattles me to my core just thinking about being in the same room with them. How funny that is that only ten years ago all I wanted was to be accepted by this person, to be loved, and wanted around by this person. Now, all I want is miles between us and no rear view.

There is a sense of respect my stories are lacking, I know. But how can I respect people who disrespect me? Who spit in my face (figuratively)? I'm sorry, but no one on this planet should ever put someone down for the sake of putting them down.

On another note, these two people (two heartless beings if I do say so myself) do not measure to the amazing people that have been in my life and have lifted my spirits, shaken my bad thoughts, and pulled me out of the water when I was drowning (so to speak). I am thankful for what I have. But although I am not finished with my examples of disappointment (that I'm sure you all can relate to) - I can't help but feel very slighted by the two people I used to love and depend on. Now, like I said keep your bad attitude as far away from me as possible. I'm on the mend and your negativity and plot to bring me down will not work. 

I have been told, "Oh Alison, you are too open." I've also come across words being whispered, "she is such a drama queen about her own life." What I have to say to that -- Well sugar, I have nothing to hide. My life may be imperfect, but I sure as well wake up every morning with a reason to live and I have made a choice to better myself so that one day I will become all that I have ever dreamed and for me - that is enough.

Thinspiration with a hearty appetite: Pesto Chicken Alfredo

Today was a day for my man and I to be off together. We saw the movie "Warm Bodies" this afternoon; however adorable, not my favorite. The love story was cute though. Anyways, on the way home we stopped at the store to get ingredients for a dish that I made a few weeks ago in which he was been requesting ever since. It is from his Nan's recipes: Pesto Chicken Alfredo. For how hearty it is, the serving size of 1 1/2 cups is only 475 calories, which really isn't bad because it is so filling and the best pasta I have ever had (if I do say so myself).

I'll make this recipe easy to follow. I'm going to type it in a list today also because I have it cooking and I can't wait to enjoy it!

- Boil 1 lb. penne noodles. (I use wheat)

- Cook (steam) 4 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast. Seasoned with Nature's Seasoning.

- Mix 1/2 C bread crumbs, 2 T EVOO, and 1/2 C shredded parm (set aside for topping)

- When noodles and chicken are finished, mix them in a large mixing bowl with; 1 can crushed tomatoes, 1 jar Alfredo sauce, pesto sauce (I made with a packet of pesto, some basil, and EVOO), 1 1/2 C milk (I use skim), 2 C shredded mozzarella, 1 1/2 C shredded parm.

- Once thoroughly mixed, sprinkle bread crumb mixture ontop of dish.

- Cover with foil & bake in the oven on 350 for 40-45 minutes.

Then ENJOY! It really is an amazing dish. Wish I had a photo of it for you all. But trust me when I say this is the best - better than Olive Garden (which used to be my favorite alfredo). This recipe I found from Pinterest, so I'm not sure who to credit but thank you!

Today was also weigh-in Wednesday. I lost a half pound since I started on Monday! Goes to show that each day, each little change really does add up. Those good choices one plus one really do keep surmounting to something we strive for. Although I am far from my goal, I did my hair and makeup today and went out with an amazing man who makes me feel beautiful beyond measure. 

As the next few days come, I hope that our choice for moving or vacationing this summer or staying put really becomes easier. I can't imagine anything changing right now. All I know is that the more snow I see and the cold temperatures here the more I want to head start to the beach like we have thought about for 12-weeks for post cancer finding yourself because you have an amazing man that you want a future with type thing. Well, we shall see!

Photography Tribute.

A moment can be captured in a memory.
But how quickly the shelf life of that thought fades.
It may last a week, a decade, or perhaps only an hour.
A fading begins to occur, whether it be a withering of age or interest,
The haze over facts or feelings take hold.

A memory in time is too precious to be forgotten.
The greatest method to hold steadfast to our fondest memories,
To keep all the days of our lives is photography.
Documenting for future generations, to pass down.

Nothing stirs more emotions intertwined with a memory than an old photograph.
Experiencing an emotion on a loved one's face,
Possibly a shot of someone who isn't with us anymore,
Can only be seen with the eye because of a photograph.
The brain is fantastic with documentation and filing events;
However, the details of a photo can never be replaced.

The color shirt she wore or the tie that he never took off;
These are precious facts that we lose about our loved ones over the years.
Not every memory is of a lost loved one,
but there are other sentiments can be exhibited through only photography.
The only way to remember each smile line on a young groom's face,
As his glowing bride walked down the aisle is by taking a photo of it.

A baby changes exceedingly fast.
Three months, six months, twelve months;
Oh the difference. Lay, sit, stand, then run.
So many new emotions for that child to explore,
all of which can be captured through a lens and a lens only.

The beauty taken in from a bride, a baby, an elderly couple,
A strong man returning from deployment, a senior in high school;
Each of these radiating exquisite beauty and excellence.

If family, love, memories, and happiness are prided in your household,
You will want to contact Photography by Alison
For breathtaking, unique images for your every meaningful occasion.

www.facebook.com/wheelingphotography

Thinspiration 2.0

A Monday in February. Nothing screams excitement like a title of that sort. Just another mundane day in an uneventful week, so it seemed. It did have a touch of flair added to it. Bobbi was off school today for Presidents' Day (like it's a holiday or something). She spent the night and so we had the day together, which was so nice because we hadn't had that in a long while. We did some fun things together and then I got my dancing in for a half hour. It was actually fun because I had someone to talk to while I danced and lately I've been dancing alone because Maunie has been busy with pre-deployment things. I understand though and there is plenty of time for weight loss!

Today I had a roast beef sandwich, less than 250 calories and lots of carrots. For some reason lately I enjoy baby carrots with no dressing; they taste sweet to me of late. Also for dinner my mom and I made a recipe off the top of our heads with the few ingredients that my mother's cupboard had. We put boneless skinless chicken in a skillet with some EVOO. When it was steamed to done we added sliced onion, diced tomatoes, cornstarch, nature's seasoning, italian essence, basil, salt, and pepper. As a side, we cooked Kulski noodles and added shaker Parm and basil. SO AMAZING. I don't think I have ever had a chicken and noodle (non-pasta-like) combination like that in my life. ITALIAN! YUM! Try it sometime, all of you!

Lately, Mark and I have been weighing the pros and cons of moving to Norfolk. We are thinking about relocating to Norfolk for the summer, just three or four months to get used to the area and see where we want to be. I would hate to think what if when we are old and think about not taking a chance. Derrick and Maunie have been amazingly accommodating to let us, if we decide, to stay with them and save up money so we can have a stepping stone before we move in the next status in our relationship (heart!) So we are going back and forth about things. Leaving my mom and sister would be the hardest thing. It was so hard being away from them once, and I'm not sure that I want to do it again. Also finding doctors now that I am cancer-free. That is another worry of mine and always will be. However, I know that I can't live my life with a what if, because it will eat me up inside. As a great movie once quoted, " "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?" 

Tomorrow is Monday.

Well, seeing that I fell away from my lifestyle change for awhile, here I am. Ready to start and embrace a healthy living once more. You really can only start things of importance on Mondays. With that being said, I plan to start myfitnesspal again. It really was a great help with my calorie count. I did dance yesterday, but it definitely wasn't the same with having a partner, Maunie cough-cough, to keep the motivation. We talked about getting our schedule synced here soon so that we can both be on the road to wellness once more! Maunie's husband, Derrick, is leaving on Thursday for deployment again. I am sad that he must go away again, especially for her sake and because he is Mark's best friend as well. Hopefully it will fly by until he gets back and we all will be able to take a vacation together like we talked about. Anyways, tomorrow starts everything again. Dancing - Just Dance, at least a half an hour, yoga, as many times this week as I can, then some other body workouts. I found a little workout session online where you increase your reps with jumping jacks, lunges, squats, none of which require the gym, over a period of a half a month and by the end you are just piling on the reps and I'm sure much stronger! So with that being said, I am going to be incorporating that, most definitely. I need to drink more water. Lately I have been drinking less and less pop, which is good. However I have been drinking things that I wouldn't normally. My cycle for female things is all messed up from the medicines and such and so I'm craving weird things. I drank hot chocolate the last few days and some pink lemonaide, crystal light packets in my water as well. Neither of those things are my typical drink of choice. I do love crystal light and skim milk. Although, Mark forgot when he went to the store and bought a ton of milk (because of his amazing protein intake daily) he bought 2% milk. I drink it, sure. But it definitely is not as healthy as skim milk and I most definitely like the taste of skim better. Oh well, next time he shall know the right one! So I guess that means more water...much more. I need to fall in love with it again. It definitely made me feel so much better in the summer when I was drinking it and only it. I felt amazing! Well, one thing that blogging about my dinner has aided me in is my love for food. I had people actually messaging me and asking "what did you make for dinner tonight?!" or something like "you didn't post last night, is everything okay?!". Those kinds of amazing feedback from people, my readers I guess you could say, surely lift my spirits, making me want to cook and blog and do everything I love and my readers or followers think I am good at. I appreciate it all! Well, be looking out for some more from Thinspiration 2.0. This time there will be no lapse in time! Things got crazy with my cancer-free diagnosis. All I wanted to do was celebrate! And eat white cheddar popcorn of course. But I am ready to trade that in for carrots or apples because I know that I feel best when I am eating my best. I feel best as well when I am moving around more! The more I do in a day the better I sleep at night, the better my body feels, etc. You wouldn't think that would be the case if you wear yourself down like that. But for me, it seems like I feel so much more alive when I am more involved and such. Looking forward to tomorrow. Redeveloping better new habits for a lifetime! Well, until breakfast.....Night!

Like a Pinky Swear.

A promise for the future is all it took.
That smile on your face while giving me that look.
Somehow all the morose fade away.
When you swear we are bound each and every day.
An honor it will be
When you ask me.
A hope comes over.
See a field of clovers.
As I prepare for the day.
Looking forward, I must say.
Wearing white.
All will be right.
The world will just be
How it is meant to be.
Fate.

Abandoned Memories.

Soft like silk,
A forgotten beauty.
Silky like velet
A true sight to behold.
Shudder remembering the fog.
Velvety and supple,
One touch is all it takes.
Light caress.
Sweet taste.
A phenomenal feeling soaring.
Building inside
A passion
a sense of complete unbridled emorion.
Course through.
Reach every last sense.
Shudder with a smile,
For its all just a memory.

Unbearable Beautiful Disease.

One tiny cell,
That's all it took.
Spread like wildfire,
Come like a theif in the night.
Invincibility? How crude of me!
Such a fragile, now hostile breakable being.
So vulnerable. So shaken. So scared.
Multiply. Penetrate. Drug.
Sever. Frozen. Pacify.
Cross your fingers.
Have hope for the best.
Move over me.
Somehow provide hope.

Radiate Me to Life

Robotics, gears, lasers:
I hear you in my sleep.
Help me. Heal me.
Move over me.
Apply and take the cure.
Feel the lights,
A warmth over me like the sun.
Containment.
Line up the dots.
One, two, three
Across my soft chest
Like an oceanic horizon.
Up the body and down it moves
While I lie there still
As untouched, new fallen snow.
Barely breathing.
Screaming inside.
Crying out for answers.
Hear the gears.
Smell the smell.
Feel frozen.
Stay frozen, like the prima facie
I live with daily.

Configure Me to Perfection.

Program me.
That's what you want,
Isn't it?
Perfection.
Because of this rejection
Otherwise.
Open and honest,
Or closed and hiding something.
We all have a choice.
Memories forgotten.
Life worth l living,
If you just submit.

Time Changes All

One year
Looking back,
Was it real?
Twelve months
In the past
Could it be?
Fifty-two weeks
Last year
A blur
A mistake..or many
Lie 365 days ago
How could I believe?
Especially in you.
Rejoice in the freedom.
Be strong.
For the bad dreams are over
No harm can come now.

Short Story: Plaguesis

I wish I knew why I had become human again. Rosy cheeks, warm and supple skin; features that I had not possessed for nearly a century. This gift has been rumored to come to a slight many of my kind. But how? I was seemingly chosen to lie among the few.
No warning preceded my transformation back into a being with a beating heart. No weakening of my powers or a solitary tell tale sign of a fragile existence that I had become once more. I was born human. It could be that Tellus is finally raising up an army against Plaguesis.
Can this be true? Plaguesis has ruled the land for over 125 years. I witnessed when the Darkness covered the mountains, the oceans, and the trees and all of Tellus's beautiful creations fell to servitude at the hands of Plaguesis. He has reeked wide spread panic, chaos, and death; immortal beasts, the Darkness, and even unleashed Hades on what we know as Earth. After Hades' demise from rule with the Olympian Gods, not a single soul ever dreamed he would reign on this plane ever again.
As I begin to put the pieces together, I wonder; if Tellus is slowly succeeding at reclaiming her children, her magnificent creations, perhaps there is a hope after all. The greatest hope we have is that our Earth Mother, Tellus, has reassembled her army; that they have risen once more, the Purus.
The Purus was only a myth; a story of folklore shared among the people for thousands of years. No living mortal or immortal being has ever laid eyes upon the Purus, except for Plaguesis. The fall of him and the Darkness came at the hands of the Purus all those centuries ago.
Those on the run from Plaguesis and his demons would share stories; tales of war, their fight for humanity. As the diseases, famine, and blood shed engulfed the entire countryside; so did the loss of humanity. Immortal beasts reigned and fell senex to Plaguesis. Humans instantaneously transformed into all sorts of dark creatures under Plaguesis's rule.
Meanwhile, only one hope remained. That Tellus was behind my transformation, and soon many, like me, would regain their beating heart and mortality.

Old poetry found in a notebook.

Trapped inside.
The way that I feel.
Trapped inside.
Let that moment,
That moment pass me by.
Take my time.
I see your face.
I won't stop now.
You're too far away.
Hold me down.
Break my trust.
Bind my dreams,
Disappear like dust.
Can you feel that,
That scream within me?
Deep inside,
where you long to be.
Care for me.
Scream for me.
Dream of me, always.
Be here for me.
Draw near to me.
Don't you care?
Please.
Please don't forget,
The love you've had in me.
Rescue me.
Take me.
You're only a moment away.

Short story: Cutler Mills

The lake always made me feel closer to finding inner peace.  Cool blue waters, refreshing waterfalls, stunning gray rocks along the shoreline is where I spent my summers since I was adopted. The sights and sounds of nature allowed me to forget everything I witness for nearly a decade on end.
My new family had the means to travel here for almost four months. No work, only serenity for the entire summer. I have seemed to find my peace there, somewhere among the trees. That is what a getaway is all about after all. Escaping from the mundane workload or challenging lifestyle our society impresses upon us.
For me, this luxurious 16-week vacation is the ticket to my sanity. Here, the nightmares stop; sleep is easier. I know running will never make the past vanish. I also had to come to the realization that nothing will lift the scars, but the cool waters at Culter Mills seemed to provide a temporary soothing. I imagined it as an oasis in the middle of the Sahara.
Back in the town I grew up in, the town I still live in with my family, the drones of shadows live on every street corner. The escape was 200 miles North, hidden far away from highways or bypasses. The closer you get to Cutler Mills, the quieter it comes. Nature is center stage with a chorus of songbirds, hush of the wind, roar of the waves; all of these serving as tunes which aid in meditating myself to harmonious sanity.

Poetry: February 9, 2013

Nightly
The dreams wont stop.
Blood shed consumes me.
As I sleep,
A brooding desire for death resurfaces.
Rejoice in the end to evil.
Dance in the ivory gown turned crimson.
Subconsciously alive, consciously mindful
Of the actions and dreams
And how close they may be.

No More
Bleeding heart, that is what you have caused.
You don't deserve another tear shed for you.
Women stripped of life and of love.
Their hearts on fire with desire to be free.
The haunt is over.
It cant encapsulize me anymore.
The lion deep within me has awoken.
A courageous fortitude to be embraced.
Meaningless shadow,
You have no hold over me.
The tyranny has ended,
As you return to ash with the morning sun.

Some Lovin'
My one and only, my soulmate, you..
Angel who saved me, pulled me through..
Ready for a life, a tale of forever..
Kisses so passionate, an eternity together

Childhood
Of what I can remember of you,
Wholesome memories, so very few.
It has become hazy,
Wishing my thoughts had a field of daisies.
Frighten, hide, cower in fear.
Never called darling, sweetheart, or dear.
Malicious, conniving, disappointing.
Darkness, worthless, seemingly annoying.
Onyx clouds roll in,
Robbed of my innocence, full of sin.
So then comes the smoke,
Wishing it all were a sick joke.
My children will know of a better life.
No hurtful words causing tears of strife.
They will be kept away from the broken, the wicked, and the damned.
A life without fear of hurt or pain,
Living with a smile, dancing in the rain.
Purge all the evil daily, I pray.
Hoping for reconciliation and a new day.