Nashville; day one.

Mark and I left for Nashville at 1am on Saturday..so it was really still our Friday. December isn't the typical vacation month, but for us it seems to be a yearly thing and it actually is nice. I hope to have a summer vacation though as well. Anyways, Mark and I switched off driving through the night. Two hours here and two hours there. It wasn't too bad of a drive at all. We stopped to stretch, fuel up, and use the restroom but otherwise we were on a mission. We arrived at the Hotel Preston at about 9am. I wasnt sure if we could check in that early considering our check in time was supposed to be 3pm. But the nice front desk people got us right in. We stayed in 301, right off the elevator that required a key swipe for usage. That was different! Well, we got all situated and took a nice long nap. After we were all rested up and freshened up we headed to downtown. We went to the Parthenon. It is a full size replica of that which is in Greece. It was amazing and massive! We had some foreigners take our photo a few times. Stay tuned for those!
There we looked around for a place to eat.  After walking around taking in the sights and sounds of music row we decided to check out a place that drew us in called Tequila Cowboy. The place had a band playing and the food smelled good. We hadn't eaten much since 5am when we had what I thought to be the worst breakfast sandwich N.A. Not impressed at first glance at their lack of choices on the menu..nonetheless we decided to have a small meal then save room for a fancy dinner on Monday before we head back north. 
Boy, I learned my lesson. If a place has only a few options its probably because they are phenomenal.  I ordered a bacon cheeseburger and Mark an American burger. We both said it was hands down the very best burger either of us have ever had. We enjoyed the taste of authentic southern burger as well as the sounds of some country songs we both secretly love.
We walked around for awhile checking out a store or two but the rain started. We didn't want to be out in that walking aimlessly with no plan but also all the sudden I turned into grandma Alison.  I had this epic awful cramp in my back as I hobbled to the vehicle. So we decided to let the rain settle and get back and rest for awhile. I thought may be sitting in the car for hours then walking a bunch then sitting on a bar stools for a couple hours I guess is what did it.
We get back to the hotel to the comfy soft blankets and get all cozy together. Mark rubbed my back where it was cramped and made it better. So it then turned into massages and love making; some of the most passionate of sorts in many moons. So that made us fall asleep and nap with a smile.
Sleepy heads decided to wake up an hour or so later and head back downtown for a nice dinner. Well being tourists and indecisive individuals we took forever to decide. We ended up near music row again at a place we thought about earlier called Demos'. Oh my god. Talk about amazing!
I ordered sweet tea only to get unsweetened tea with a sugar water syrup that you add as needed to make the perfect tea for you. It was absolutely amazing! Best tea NA! Anyway, next our waiter Sulley is really hands down no joke without a doubt the best best best waiter we or I have ever had. The nicest, most helpful, most eloquent and descriptive server as well. We both ordered steaks. Mark a medium rare ribeye and me a filet mignon compressed by bacon. You can even get any of their pastas as a side! What?! Phenomenal!  Alfredo for me...delish! Overall such an amazing impression of Nashville. Oh and did I mention the prices?! It was only $30 for us two. As opposed to some other places didn't even have anything on the menu for under that price per person. We will definitely have to stop back before we go.
Well at about 11 we headed back to the hotel where we watched some twitch tv league of legends together and cuddled and bonded over what is some time that we have very much needed. Now we are off to sleep! The game is at noon and we want to make it to breakfast before!

Thoughts of the Innermost.

There's that moment where you want to ask yourself what the hell do you think you are doing. You wish you could step outside your body and see your life like a diahramma, you know those weird shoebox-on-its-side scenes from a novel or event that we had to make in Ms. Smoulder's 2nd grade class. If I could see my perplex life in a frozen set, what would I think? What questions could be asked; what conclusions could be drawn? Who would be the protagonist? The antagonist? What plot would be able to created just by a look into this hectic, somewhat awry lifestyle I lead?

At times I begin to think I am losing it. Slipping through the cracks of sanity and down into a much darker existence we know as asylum. The loss of consciousness for what is and what isn't overwhelms and weakens the conscious mind. Blurred senses and diminished capabilities all bundled up together like a cornucopia of broken toys. Only these toys are not real. They are but personified humanity.

The real question is why over analyze if there is no real clearing up ahead. Nothing will be solved by drudging through everything over and over again. Lay it to rest for the night and drift off to a better place. Dreams will carry you there.

Forgot to post you, you little random poem you.

There once was a shadow that needed a place to stay.
I told him he wasn't welcome, but he stayed anyway.
Making the heart heavy and soul full of guilt,
A place of sadness for blood that was spilt.
Nothing made sense with him around.
No sunshine cascading, no hope to be found.
This sad little shadow though small in size,
Was a daily reminded of an imminent demise.
A broken and damned husk of a being
With no regard for how life really should be.
Shadows aren't welcome in a heart made of gold.
Their presence changes a spirit from young to old.
One day it will leave me, but until then..
I will wait in the wings. Not knowing when.

Venting session: WARNING...there may be grammatical errors.

I am so fucking sick of being unappreciated and talked down to. I feel like no one has any sense of respect anymore. The one thing that I can't stand is being ignored. Ignoring someone is under-appreciating them. They are taking the time to talk to you and tell you how they feel or ask you to do something and you just sit there because what you are doing is so much more important. Today's society has NO regards for humanity. Communication, technology has ripped that away. I feel like I have no personal relationships anymore. A friend of mine reminded me what it was like to actually do something instead of it having to be involved with a screen. I love my technology and am thankful for it because it's fun and convenient, but honestly if I could live back in the times of the Native Americans, I would trade that in a heartbeat. I love the earth. I love relationships and people. I love talking for the sake of talking. I love story telling and sharing of experiences and life. There is one thing I feel as though I am missing in this live that I am living and that is a sense of self strong enough to encompass all that I want to be. I want to be able to be strong enough to achieve the things I want to achieve and do the things I want to do. There is nothing more frustrating that feeling like you can't be yourself because of the people around you. All of this might seem like I am hopping and jumping subjects, but really they are all relative to how I am feeling right now. I don't think anyone reading this would understand or even feels the same way. But if there is someone, please reach out to me. I would love to have someone to talk to about this. End of venting session number one of the day.

All because I slept.

If ever there was a time to start blogging again, it would be now. Everything is fresh in my mind. I can watch it all like a movie on the big screen.

Conscience and subconscience working together to bring the onslaught of a thousand washed up hopes. I wonder, ponder, worry, and despair over it all. As my other thoughts that lie below the surface are shufted into nightmares, dreams of a sort.

How can the mind be so powerful to recall your worries as you sleep? It personifies all of our deepest fears and desires, nearly mocking us into a fainted reality only to be woken by the sun as it rises overhead. Never did I feel more defeated but when these hauntings consume me. Mood and feeling are altered by the mere accusation that all could be lost in a simple instant. It could come back.

I assure you, there would be no parade or welcome as it arrived to settle in. The burning, aching fear still lives within me. Does anyone even know or care to notice? Or do I walk around with a sign on my face and all those who I thought would care simply are used to the sign. Peace is a stranger. I wish it were different.

Venting

Writing is something I haven't been taking part in lately unfortunately.  I definitely need to be though. I have to vent somehow. Where to start? Can I even explain what my thoughts are? I'm orobably going to have to keep this orivate because of my frustration that will shine through.

Rest peacefully <3

As I sit here in your sitting room, I am speechless. The echos off the walls are deafening even in the silence. I can almost hear my beating heart as I wait for you to walk through the doorway. But you are not here. The transcending spirit and presence hangs heavy on our hearts. Nothing is clear anymore. How does life go on, when all our worlds have stopped? A life so precious and whole, it seemed surreal.

To the four corners of the universe you walked, leaving your footprint on the soil. How lucky the earth has been. With every step you impressed your gracious favor. Scholar with helping hands and mother to all by virtue - your guidance and generosity illuminates us still. Always watch over us. Remind us to use proper grammar or just the right ingredient. Enable us to become a fraction of the human being you were. Guide our hands and our hearts, as we become mothers and fathers over the years. Look upon us throughout our lives as we hope to make you proud all the days of our lives.

Living in the Land of Being a Dick Part II

Sometimes there really isn't much you can say to a person. Other times all you want to do is cuss them out like Sailor from NYC. (Anyone who knows a sailor or a NY native knows what I mean.) The people who usually fall under either situation are probably being a dick in some way. When I say probably, I mean they definitely are.
When someone close to you is being a dick you can handle the situation either of the above mentioned ways. There are times when I start out with the silent treatment, because anything you say to them is breath otherwise wasted. Then there are other times where you can't help but play therapist. You genuinely want to help correct their dick-ism but they just aren't having it.
Then you must resort to freaking out on them and yelling obscenities at them to get them to come to earth. Telling them you won't sit with them and eat biscuits at BoJangles, when they're sad, anymore because they're being a dick.. sometimes really works.
Whatever the case may be people need to understand one thing..everything you say or do...look or feel affects..someone else. Whether you want to admit it or not, you googling something changes you. As does going to Kroger instead of Wal-Mart. Everything has its own equal and individual repercussions. This usually gives someone the fuel to either be a good person or even just normal cool human being or to live in the land of being a dick.
On a more serious note, I need to say that I really want to write about something that happened to me tonight specifically. It needs to be a separate blog because it is very involved, emotional, and needs thought more than I can put in on just a blogger app. But the subject falls into the trend of "Living in the Land of Being a Dick" because it is about someone who should reside there. It is about a disrespect that has manifested for years but is now being shown with a magnitude I never thought possible.

To be continued...
In conclusion ladies and gents, stop being a dick. And if you aren't then people who are being dicks to you in your life remember how to deal with them. Stop letting them float on their dick train and ruin you or your day.

Living in the Land of Being a Dick.

There is almost nothing positive I see going on in this world these days. I take everything in stride after I've been through hell and back, but it is almost impossible to remain optimistic about the world today. It wouldn't be such a big deal if strangers were being dicks to you but when it is people you have to deal with only a regular basis, that just isn't cutting it for me. Whether it be your co-workers, your best friend, your fellow student peers, your brother, your favorite local waitress - these tantrums, these childish activities, this lack of responsibility, the apathy that people all around me display on a daily or sometimes even momentary basis is absurd to me. Who woke up and said hey I'm going to be a dick to my "bestfriendsisterpeerwhatever" today? I sure don't do that. The funny thing is then when they switch out of this pathetic dick mode, they almost expect you to greet them with a fucking parade like hey I'm back from the land of being a dick let's go for coffee. Uhm, no. Sorry I am not a sell out for a cheap mochachino, okay. Your behavior goes way beyond the realms of normal and if this was the 1700s I would put you in a guillotine. Maybe just to scare you but if you hurt me or my feelings, then fuck you chop that head off or hang you for witchcraft. My main purpose of this rant is to serve as an example and maybe wake someone up who is being a dick. Okay I have a final exam tomorrow so I need to stop my rant and sleep. But all of you being a dick and living in the land of ultimate dicks, stop or you are gonna lose really great people from your life.

Tonight.

Step one is admitting that you have a problem, right? Well, here it is. I have a problem...or two or three.
I took a few small baby steps today to help with my problems. First of all talking about what I think to be a problem could be the first order of business.
This house looks like a frat house, to put it bluntly. I am not sure whether it is my depression that links to this apathy or lack of motivatiom but it really sucks. The crazy part is that I can not stand it such a mess. I meam absolutely can not take it. But...I do nothing about it. I feel like I cant change it. Why? Because I know that I can. I say to myself I dont feel like it or ill do it all tomorrow. Procrastination has become an enemy of late. The more depressed I become the more I seem to lose myself. But today I did take a step. Small but true. I cleaned the kitchen - everything but the floor. Even the fridge got cleaned out.  I had plans to then finally do the litter but we were out of trash bags so I couldnt. But I also did some laundry just a few and I changed the sheets which I have been putting off. Like the sheets for example...I hateeeeeeed what they felt like. They felt dirty and crummy and everything. But..I felt like I didnt want to changed them or I couldnt because everything else in the house was a mess. Its really weird how the brain works when there is an imbalance. Thats my premature diagnosis anyways.
Another problem I am having believe it or not I just realized follows suit with the previous problem just this time it is my body. I am so sick of not having a shower at this house. I do know that I can take a bath it just isnt ideal and the tub isnt clean. But I feel dirty and oily and unclean. Tough skin and smelly feeling. I do nothing about it until I have to. If I had a shower here at home I would everyday. Now its every three to five. Only because theres no shower. I slack off on shaving..lotioning..tweezing. I miss making my hair pretty all the time. Everything like that. Im beginning to see a pattern.
Then there is a similar pattern to follow suit as well. I have the same feelings about my size.  I feel massive these days. My weight in Cleveland was horrid. It really msde me upset. I want to eat well and ne active so so so bad. I know the tools. I have a great partner to do it with. I just feel like I cant. Like I am defeated before I even start. I wish I could find the answers. I wish I could figure out why I cant seem to move forward with these problems that are holding me back.  

A simile.

It was nothing like anything I had ever done before. The feeling was unique to that moment. I especially loved being on the back when Mark was driving. He had my life in his hands, just like he has my heart. The metaphor was simple really and all too perfect. Gliding through the air at a speed like that, no one but him and fate to protect me. Something may seem a bit macabre about having life on the precipice of death only to be on the precipice of the meaning of life. A beautiful simile: to be free. Feeling free and reveling in it; an all consuming propulsion outwards into what we know as the world. Extrovertion commandeers; while the weight is shifted. Freedom comes in all different ways, no matter how it comes about. One may never be free from themselves, condemned always by a rooted fear deep within. Once those nightmares shatter and the veil dissipates, it is like a new day arrives with a glimmer of what it means to be free. I'm bound by the chains of fear and pain, illness and worry. For a moment in time, I break free from those bindings to discover the me that is underneath the surface of darkness. Although perhaps it is brief, it summons a rising hope. For the future may hold a permanent freedom, a final peace to have and to hold all the days until the end.

Tonight's Blurb.

Well, I just got back from seeing Fast 6. I am surprised at how much I really liked it. I have come to really enjoy action movies, especially since dating the emperor of epic, adventure guy movies. I think it all started with my enjoyment for fantasy and sci-fi now it turned into just anything downright epic.  I have come to realize that if I reach outside of my comfort zone and try other things, I might actually surprise myself when I like it. Trying to embrace some of Mark's interests as well as our similar ones has seemed to be successful. I would never be playing League of Legends or Magic. I would never have expanded my palette for food or for movie genres and so on. I am trying to take each experience in my life and look at it under a microscope, if you will. After something happens, I hope to see if I grew from it, or waned from it. There just seems to be a happy medium here that exists because of my openness at trying new things. Since I feel as though it was a positive move, I will deem this a successful experience in how I reacted to something new. I know that Mark values that in a partner. Spontaneity, adventure, willingness to try new things; all something we each seek and we have found. There is not a single thing as of right now in our relationship that I would change. I only hope as time moves through and we enjoy life and heal from my ailments, that we will take this relationship to another level. When that happens, I will be forever grateful to whomever is out there looking over me that fated us back into each other's arms. As I lie my head down at night, I hope to be thankful for what I have taken from today. The reason I like to document things like I do is because tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day -- these memories will all be but a blur. Unless it is written and recorded so that it does itself justice with the raw energy and pureness that exudes from the very thought of it. Memories are way too precious to be lost. Memories and time are all we have. This moment is all that we are given.

Daily Thought:

Although I haven't returned to a regular workout schedule,  I have been dieting with Mark. I have been cooking every day and making some of his favorite healthier meals. Southwest Chicken Salad, Tomato and Chicken Wheat Calzones, Buffalo Chicken, Chicken a la Spaghetti -- they have seemed to be a success. Our portioning is a bit big but wouldn't it be better to eat meals like that and snacks like banana and nutella rather than McDonalds for goodness sake. This country is so dependent on convenience and instant gratification. It happens to us so easily because we are always in a rush. Lately in order to cook and eat well I have been having to breathe deeply and slow myself down because we are all programmed to be go go go. My conquest is one that many of us share but only some are able to stick with. My weigh has fluctuated throughout being sick and I am completely tired of it. I no longer want to feel uncomfortablein my own skin. The diet or eating eell has come with much time and patience as well as prodding from the man I love for us both to cook and eat better. So when I am in the routine of cooking on a daily basis, I will then be able to start incorporating exercise without much hassle with myself. The strength physically that I used to have is not the same and so I get discouraged. But one day soon I will be able to be where I once was. I hope to enroll in a few classes in the coming weeks and with that I will get a gym membership. I look forward to both turning my life around. I was sick and still am but I know I can get better in all aspects if only I try.

An eloquent agreement with oneself.

There are times when words can not describe what you are feeling. All that can escape from you are waves of salty streams flowing down your cheeks, and thats okay. Sometimes you need to cry. There are those moments in life where the last straw has been broken and all we are left with is our vulnerable selves. No one ever said life would be simplistic, but when did it become second nature to accept that we aren't moving forward. The only way to feel and move on is to let it all in. Don't block out your emotions. All it will do is grasp onto your very breath and suffocate you, starting with your heart. The symbolism we all know to be love in our chest cavities. However split at the seams, however lost in the wilderness, we all deserve an epic adventure. Teaching onself to revel in what it is like to be human and experience life as if it was your last moment is one of the most difficult expenditures I have ever bestowed upon myself. An eloquent servitude of humanity and all its wonder. Such a fragile existences however shaken we may be, we remain strong. The monumentous occasion of self actualization doesn't come with instant gratification but with a coy hint of patience. At times it can be frustrating. To know that all our lives we are nothing but an uphill battle until we reach the fulfillment of our true destiny. The rare occasion of forseeing one's fate is only accomplished by few in a lifetime. To have a story to pass on and a livelihood to be cherished is an eventual goal we all can admire.

Long Time No Blog.

Well, it's been awhile. Not that there are enough excuses etched on my soul already, but here are some excuses. I haven't been myself or let myself have the time that I deserve to write. I have also written for some time in a journal, you know the old fashioned way. It was something a little more private I was dealing with so I wanted to get through that during such a difficult time. Which times aren't difficult though, I mean really.

Weight loss for me is an uphill battle. When I say weight loss, I guess intent to lose must be there. I know that I want to; it's just I don't think I have been mentally ready for it. I know that I am not the size that I want to be. I know that this is almost the heaviest of my life and I want to change it. My boyfriend and I both want to be fit. We both have been before and know it is possible.

My health has been all over the map. Just absolutely terrible news all around and something that I'm trying to deal with but on a more private scale I guess. My mom and Mark have been more than everything I need to keep me on track as far as that stuff goes.

I have a lot of different sides to me, which attributes to being passionate about many things. This truly can be a double-edge sword. Aside from being a bit preoccupied with my health and family, I seem to overbook myself. I feel like I let everyone down all the time, failing you all. There isn't a single reason that I would want to fall short but it seems like I do in everything I touch. If someone could tell me something I do right, I would give them a puppy.

Think of Me is on Pandora right now. It's a Classical piece from the 90s. It makes me feel emotional and full of thoughts and energy and inspiration when I hear it. I turned off the lyrical music because all it does when I'm trying to write is distract me. Now when I am trying to clean or something like that, don't put Classical on, I will most definitely want to write or meditate and that isn't good.

As I was having a break down today, I took it out on the person I least want to. I feel terrible for it, even though I already apologized to him and we are just fine. I just needed to cool off and do something for myself without someone needing to hold my hand. I went ahead and took myself to the mall and got a pedicure. For some reason that is something that makes me relax and calm down. I was bawling my eyes out before I left. Sometimes in life, things are way too overwhelming for someone to handle. I doubt that I truly let it all sink in and I feel like lately it has all been hitting me. So what I did was get a pedicure then go to find some gym shorts.

As a sat in those chairs waiting for the little man to come over and get started, all I was thinking about is my size. How I couldn't believe how big I have gotten. I got weighed again at the doctors and I was just ashamed. I know that it is just a number but it sure hits you hard when you see something like that. I made the decision as I was sitting there that I would go and look for workout shorts after this because mine are all old or just meh looking on me. Well, I found a special for buy one get one half off. This made me happy because I know that I need to have something for me to wear and feel comfortable in while dancing, etc.

My mom and sister were out shopping too and they just got here to her house so I'm going to get back into reality now, but I want to begin writing again. It brings me happiness and damnit, I'm gonna do it!

When all else fails, laughter is the best medicine!

Salt on blades.

Like needles it overtakes me.

A shattering to my very core,

Coursing throughout

Like salt on blades

Into the vein.

Every more paralyzing

Every time.

Constrict me.

Confine me

To the deepest burn.

With each sear

Draw a tear

An unholy field

that yearns for growth.

Drown.

Intake of breath;

Nothing but water fills my lungs

As I sink to the bottom.

All hope is lost.

The darkness, the coldness

Consumes.

Shiver from the very thought.

Shake off a feeling so haunted.

Place on a face,

Of a happier day

When all wasn't lost in the ocean.

The Senses.

Music frees me, sets my ambition on fire, allows me to release the core desires deep within me. The gift of music has been absent from my life with much haste.

The way the smoke cascades rippling iridescently in the air gives me a sense of awe and wonder. Calming veil rising and falling around the lace patterned candle holder, another wonder. To learn from smoke, we all could absorb its carefree quality. Oh, what a beautiful earth we would inhabit.

Listening to the notes, the angelic voice, the soft melody of a love song begging my trembling voice to accompany. "I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I've loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more."

The sweet herb smell of the inscence relaxes the body without force. Annabelle, my beautiful fluffy baby, is so soft. Her purring scaling with each petting motion on her velvety fur. Each sense being stimulated positively by a simple moment to stop in our busy days and just enjoy.

April 14th: 11:59 PM.

Nothing is set in stone.

This life emulates a fragile flower.

Its petals weak and vulnerable;

Just as the actual existence of the human race.

Raw, exposed, and shaken - the fragility that is this life.

Poetry sometimes just spills out of my mind like blood from an unexpected wound. When the red water comes I only focus on where I can write it all down. I have always been like this. A writer. Someone to inspire, to create, and be apart of something with passion and feeling. Same goes for my photography. I remember all I ever wanted for holiday was a camera. From breaking to having camera stolen, my list never ends. That always is what set me back from moving forward in my photography. With no means to purchase a new camera in a poor family growing up, I got saddled with writing; and how it was not a shameful thing. I most definitely enjoy being able to express myself by means of any and all mediums I choose. I just wish that they would count for something. No, not necessarily dollars and cents, like all of America is worried about. However, I want to share my art, my story, and my passions. I want to see places, meet people of different cultures, experience different cuisines, worship all over this blue planet with all walks of religion - I want to decide for me how I am going to live my next 70 - hopefully plus - years. The idea that we are not infinite. We will die. We are not invincible and there is so much - in my life at this age - yet to see! I have so much passion that I don't share, so much zealous adventures that only exist on paper, when the red water comes out. The idea of my epic search for harmony and inner peace comes along with the captivating realization that today, and only today, is the day to start living your dreams. Because although, especially at this age, we like to think so..we are not infinite. Our time does run out. We might not get a redo. This could be our one life. (which in my humble opinion is the case) So living for yourself and those your love and living for today are the most important things to remember in this life. Passion & inspiration & hopes & dreams & ambition & peace & beauty - my serenity.

© Photography by Alison

photo by: © Maunie Baysal

Silhouette Study.

One of my most favorite muses inspired me within the last few days. I have completely given myself over to my desire to create. There have been obstacles holding me back, but the most complex hurdle has been myself. The want to give myself over long ago has been heavy on my heart. Now it's right.

Although my heart and mind are full of stories, ideas, influence, emotions, and soulful aspirations; I must allow myself to enter into a deep slumber to combat this illness.  I've been sick since I've arrived in Norfolk, but that doesn't know it is holding me back from everything I have wanted to do, including doing a photography study today.

A goal I have developed for myself is to do a different photography study each day. Being able to constantly photograph and create art will keep me always moving forward. Today, I chose a silhouette study. My subject is my best friend, a tall and lean perfect silhouette - if you ask me. The sunset, the ocean, and the moon were beautiful; so nature inspired me to keep shooting. I shot until darkness completely took over the landscape.

Keep inspiring one another. You never know when a compliment or a simple hello may turn someone's day around in order for them too to be inspired to do what they love the most.

© Photography by Alison

Last minute.

When I write, I do it not for you but for me and my soul.  This soul's a tarnished one, blood stained from reality and her coy knives in the side. Reality, how playful with a dark premise over what is and was.

- Photography by Alison
www.facebook.com/wheelingphotogtaphy

April 7th: 10:35 PM.

Norfolk, Virginia. Who would have thought it? Naval community where Caucasian is a minority, but yet the minute my feet hit the sand this evening it felt right to be here. My search for inner peace is not something I take lightly. I can't believe that of all the times in my life, now is when I am finally coming to terms with who I am and what I was put on this wondrous earth to do. This vacation is mine and I have been told to do whatever it is that I want to do while I am here to help find peace from within.

The trip down was pretty alright. 8 hours in a vintage old tank with no A/C wasn't too bad considering, I had my bestie. We ate sandwiches, talked and laughed, discovered a theory about my family, and laughed some more. Being carefree is what your 20s are all about. I am almost half way through with my 20s and it has been the most hellish until recently. Having to go through what I have endured renders me shameless and ready to move on with my life and have a hell of a good time.

Something I discovered today as I laid there in the passenger seat with the sun beaming through the windows onto my pale skin. I was born at the wrong time. What about the 20s? Such a wonderful time; 20s Chicago. 50s as a beautiful pin-up model. 60s - now we are talking...hippies, peace, free love, drugs (don't judge - if you were a hot hippy you would enjoy yourself as well). How about the 70s? Eh, no thanks..Zepplin or the Eagles, boo. But you get the point! I think my past life (if that exists) was spent doing something much more meaningful than modern medial activities. I mean in a society where Kim Kardashian is all that people can talk about - yeah, makes me want to blow my brains out.

Right now, I believe that inner peace is something that comes from within but is stimulated by something on the outside. I don't think that one day you can just stare at a wall on Wall Street or look into a mirror at a mall and realize your inner chi and journey in this life. A modern world is a difficult one. I doubt that my inspiration will come from something that is materialistic or modern. At this point, what seems to be inspiring me are the four classic elements; earth, wind, fire, water. I am hoping to be more one with each of these in some way, especially the water this week as I am right on the ocean. I hope to write more about each of these and their influences in my life. As I yearn to discover how they bring me into being me.

A true adventure, a wanderlust full of new places, new photographic opportunities - that is where I need to be as I heal from the wounds I have endured. I am so thankful for Maunie for giving me this experience as I hope to give her inspiration to find her niche in this world too. Continue to inspire one another any way you can by reaching out to those who have endured the worst or simply just lost their way.

April 7th: 12:33 AM.

Well, here I am. I have missed blogging beyond explanation. I don't know what it is about it that releases some of my inner demons and inner beauty all at the same time. However, after the last few weeks of hecticness, I have changed my view of what I need to be writing about. I don't really like to write anymore with a pen and paper as much as I enjoy just sitting down and quickly typing up my thoughts on a given topic I feel like expressing. I still do keep a small journal but just I'm not as religious with it, kind of like that of many other aspects in my life. I wish I was able to complete the loose ends that I have in my life. I need to jot these ideas down so that I can pursue them as well as figure out what direction I want to go with them in my life. Which I feel is ultimately one of the most important things.

Anyways, moving on to what is currently going on in my life. I will be leaving for Norfolk in the morning with Maunie, my sister-in-law to be. Maunie has been in town for three weeks helping Mark's Nan with the move to the new house and helping since her heart attack a few Fridays ago. It was a huge scare and it also warranted Pap in the nursing home; however, we all visit him and bring him his favorite treats, so we are hoping this will be a positive change for all parties. We have been boxing, packing, unboxing, unpacking for weeks now. It's time for Maunie to go back home to Norfolk and take a breather but also have some time to just relax and she invited me to come along. I am really excited, because this will a great girls vacation for us. We probably in the future won't have the time or chance to do that because deployments, Navy, Nursing, Mark and I getting married, their marriage as well -- so now seems to be the perfect time. I will be gone for 12 days. I have a little bit of separation anxiety from my baby, but I think we have some really fun things planned and I can't wait to take photos all over the coast of Virginia! We have plans for the beach and some yummy restaurants, possibly a plantation house and seeing all the mermaids in town as well. I can't wait!

I packed. Cleaned up a bit. Cooked a few things for Mark. Still have to write him a list of things to get accomplished while I'm gone, but I hope he gets work, gym time, and game time while I'm gone as well. Like a staycation for him! He got done a little early from work tonight, so I hope we can spend some quality time before I leave at 8 am. We have plans to Skype at least three times, but alls everyday - so it should be alright, especially because I'm taking my Mac. I couldn't survive without it!

Today was my half birthday. 24 and a half. I made it through cancer. I'm living through trigeminal neuralgia. I can do this. 25 is six months away and I want to document every last bit of my 24th year. It is my mission and goal. Each day blog and post a photo from that day. Today I don't have a photo, but I will start tomorrow with my travels. 

My Last Wish.

If ever there comes a time that I am to leave this world, share my adventures.

If I never am able to share my story to the corners of the world, share them for me.

If at the end I seem to lose my mind, find it for me. Help me remember.

If somehow I can not speak for myself, tell him I love him. Remind him.

If upon my last breath I can not muster a simple goodbye, do not cry.

If and when I do, remember the pink in my cheeks and the love in my heart.

If you must cry, cry because our adventure together has ended.

If my adventure ends before yours,

then promise me to continue the escapade and pass on my story.

Poetry.

you just can't compete;

the sun, the galaxy, or all it's wonder.

you shine beyond something measurable.

in time and space we know of one life;

but with you, it's as though I have many.

all concepts of moment in time dissipate

and we are free of all man made restraints, such as time.

this life is merely a prequel

to the eternity

the massive always

I am granted

with you.

Date Nights Make Your Week!

Wednesday; our typical date night. I am so blessed to be with someone that values keeping the flame in a relationship going just as much as I do. We decided awhile back that we would start doing date nights one night a week. Because my lover is only off two days a week, usually Wednesday and Thursday, we decided to basically go on Wednesdays. We set an entire afternoon and evening aside for just us, outside the house doing something we like to do. Since Valentine's Day we have done dinner and a movie out once a week. In the course of time from February 14th until now, exactly a month, we have seen five movies: Beautiful Creatures, Warm Bodies, Snitch, Jack the Giant Slayer, and Oz: The Great and Powerful. We have eaten at Olive Garden, Undos (twice), Red Lobster and somewhere else but we can't remember. Anyways, the point is these date nights have been so wonderful for our relationship. I know that my love for this man is irrevocable. Just nights like these allow you to enjoy the little things you love about each other.

 

As far as a review for these movies, if anyone is interested in me posting for any particular please let me know and I will be happy to! I liked them all, some more than others. Nonetheless I still enjoy time with my sweetheart as well as indulging in a great fantasy world to help me escape my everyday life.

Speaking of everyday life, I have been in a great deal of pain lately. So nights like these really make me happy. Although it is a little exhausting to keep me going all afternoon and evening out, I still enjoy it and the medicines help me out a bit. The doctors, my mom, my man, my sister, and a few important friends have kept me sane these last few weeks. I never thought that I would be living in a world of pain. Then again I never thought I'd be living in the same town with my mom again, and that means the world to me. I also never thought I'd live through this battle. I also thought I could never have something I cherish above all, true love. And indeed I have it again, in him. 

Tonight.

Insomnia -- what a wonderful thing. Sarcasm queues. My life -- its one giant tale of folklore. Hard to believe things could actually happen like they do to me, oh but they do. I want to write a series. The best way to start is to collect each tid bit of stories and scenarios I've been in and write about it. I swear just the uncanny situations on a daily basis make you wonder who the hell is watching over me. Cause they must have gone out for lunch.

Grow Upward and Onward.

When I feel like I have nothing, I should open my eyes.
When I feel as though my eyes won't open, I should just remember.
Those who we love never truly leave us.
Our hearts are their homes so long as we remember.

Sincerity, simplicity, and sensibility.
Allow me to grow and conform.
I thank my stars and mother earth for my second chance at life.
Maybe this time around I'll do it right.
Perhaps my eyes will remain open,
and my memories keen.
For their importance surpasses all worldy things.

Dreamcatcher is an idea for a tattoo, thoughts?

Photography and such.

Photography by Alison is my passion, my pride, and even my joy. When it comes to my passions, they are many; however, nothing surpasses my love for photography. I had an engagement session today with a lovely couple. I then took some nature photos as my mom and I took a stroll around the lake at Wheeling Park, even though her ankle is broken. I wish I told her more how much these little things mean to me, especially during my time of need and great sorrow, at times.

Many days have gone by that I don't have a camera in hand. Other days I'm using my cell phone like it is attached to me to photograph every meal or every cat stretch like it's history in the making. Documenting our lives is one of the most important things I believe. Whether it is in a leather bound journal with a pencil and eraser or on an online blog with photographs; it still is unforgettable. Memories are way too precious to forget. I wish that I could write more. To your average person (better not say average American, because a lot of them don't write, or read for that matter) -- but an ordinary individual would say that I write a lot in fact. I feel as though it has been a fortnight and then some. Writing has become another passion released within me, especially through the storm that I have endured. 

 © Photography by Alison

Regaining my ambition.

There are so many things that have happened between now and the time when this all started. I have had a lot of inspiring ideas lately and I haven't done anything with them. I've been basically letting them fly straight out of me and losing them somewhere out there in the atmosphere of creativity and ideas.
Watching independent films has sort of fueled my fire for lovely thoughts and creative juices. Stay tuned as I get better things in my life will too.

An Apparition.

Like a pond has a reflection, as does the mind.
When it is still, a recollection appears.

Whether it be body, mind, or spirit;
These apparitions can haunt you,
Make you full of joy,
Or simply leave you numb.

Scent of memories linger.
Recalling the aromas of old,
Rekindles a long forgotten thought.

Lost ancients pass through the conscience.
Flooding back in like an apocalyptic flood.
But this inundation is not one to frighten.
A calm, soothing comes over,
As a familiar sensation welcoming you home.

Satisfaction Because Rome Wasn't Built in a Day.

Satisfaction comes in many forms. It may present itself in getting a promotion, seeing a child excel at sports, or maybe by eating a luscious chocolate bar. I; however, have achieved satisfaction in my day and for me, that is enough.

It all started with my morning routine. I was proud that I was able to do what I hoped for myself for the day in every day. Brush, whiten, cleanse, moisturize, straighten, make-up, brush - just how I hoped for; I knew I could will myself to. I did my makeup today in my most favorite way. Being a makeup artist, I have so many options, colors, mattes. But my favorite for my eye shape and face shape is a silver and black smokey eye with vintage line and dramatic falsies - I use 105 Black from Walmart. I have bought Snooki lashes, which are BEAUTIFUL! however, when I lose one or overuse them I cry because of their price! But they are awesome to invest in at least one pair! However, for casual use - the Walmart ones are literally less than that fast food meal that you don't need anyways!


The straightener I use is absolutely by far the greatest straightener that I have ever had the privilege of using. My sister even went and bought one just like it, because she has found no greater. It is a Paul Mitchell and I'm seriously in love. I bought it in - get this December of 2008 and it is still here. (knock on wood) I would be so lost without it and I plan to buy Paul Mitchell

for years to come! I highly recommend it!

So this is the end result of my day of beauty. I went like this to my sister, Bobbi's cooking expo at her high school. She did wonderfully; proud mama! Afterwards I took some time and snapped a few landscape photographs. The way that the sky looked was too irresistible!
I did achieve satisfaction today. I had goals and I met most of them. I know something I do need to work on is being able to go to bed before the wee hours of the night. I work at night on the multiple projects I am involved with as well as blogging for you fine people. It is something I love and enjoy. My future hubby is playing games after a very long night at work, why not stay up and enjoy the night owl syndrome as well. I think I do need a day to relax. Do some crafting, hang with my bestie via Skype (since she is 500 miles away), watch some movies, & cook some amazing & healthy recipes.

I believe that is what my day tomorrow will look like after my appointment. I have an appointment with my neurologist and pain management specialist for my Trigeminal Neuralgia. It is the most painful thing in the world and she is the only person I trust to help me with it, so wish me luck!
Just remember to set daily goals for yourself. Nothing to outrageous! Cliche of the night: Rome wasn't built in a day!

www.facebook.com/wheelingphotography

© Photography by Alison

Every Woman Deserves to Feel Beautiful.

I have been so low maintenance lately with my hair, makeup, and just daily up-keep of a high maintenance woman. Ponytails, bangs pinned-up and out of the way, no nails done, no moisturizer on my face, no teeth whitening, lots of sweatpants and zip-up hoodies, four days a week with no makeup; all these an example of my daily life since I was diagnosed, but also since my lazy winter days ensued.
However, I feel spring coming around the bend. It is right on the horizon, whether a month or more, I still need to be ready.

 So today I took a step towards regaining my sense of beauty, because every woman deserves to feel beautiful. For me, I feel beauty most when I am at my most primp and proper. I have decided to be very conscious of my daily beauty routine and to simple stop rushing! Take the time to pluck those extra eyebrow hairs or use the extra whitening mouthwash to get those pearly whites to be...well, pearly.

For my preliminary beauty ritual begin with dying my hair. I don't believe in venturing to a salon with my Rapunzel-length hair and having them charge upwards of $150 to dye my hair. Being that my mother was a hair dresser - in the 80s, but a hairdresser nonetheless - I feel confident in my ability to perform self-dying at home. I have since I was in fifth grade when I thought highlights would make all those little bitches stop making fun of me so I would fit in. So much more fabulous and classy now than most of them could imagine - no harm done. Anyways...I used a new dye this time; Revlon Luxurious ColorSilk, the blue black - two boxes of course! It worked phenomenally, I tell ya. Softer, smells better, burns a bit less than any dye out there and it was only $4 a box, making my hair makeover an $8 debacle. The color turned out near exact to the model on the box; even though they tell you not to go by that - with this color I say exact my friends. So now that my hair is where I want it to be, with the length a beautiful lower back brushing. My hair really is one of my favorite things about myself so I take pride in it. Any techniques, styles, or tips that I can cover to help out please leave it in the comments.

My favorite products

Something I did tonight after taking my makeup off that I haven't done in awhile was use facial moisturizer. I have this amazing moisturizer called Neutrogena Naturals. I purchased this particular moisturizer when I was going through radiation. I needed something that was clean, natural, no perfumes or paraffin, and this really stood out for me.  It smells magnificent, isn't greasy or sticky, and leaves my face soft as can be. I really want to be able to get in the habit of daily use. Something I know must be done first is to wash my makeup off every single night. This is something I am absolutely terrible for. There are times where I only wash it off when I shower at night and I don't always do that at night or every night for that matter. (Oh, come on! You can't say you shower and wash that pretty little head of yours every single night! Don't judge me:) So yet another beauty method in which I can't wait to adapt back into just a simple habit.

My next feat of beauty is to brush my teeth at least three times a day. I know some people would be thinking gross I have adapted that habit since I was three. Well, morning and bedtime were the only times I was trained to brush as a child, so that is what I usually do. Any other times of the day just wasn't impressed upon me from a young age. What I would like to do is to brush my teeth after each meal or snack even. No, I don't mean six times a day, but I think that it will help with my diet too. Who wants to eat something after having a fresh mouth? So oral hygiene is definitely something I want to improve upon in the coming weeks. I thought about photographing my teeth for shade differences. I used to use my Crest 3D White mouthwash, a whitening stick or strips, etc in the past on a regular basis and I hope to get back to that as well. I think seeing the difference actually happening will spark that behavior to become more of a habit than a chore. 

My goal for tomorrow is to wake-up before 11, work out, straighten my hair, do makeup, eat well (small meals throughout the day & only water and milk), brush teeth three times, wash & moisturize my face, paint my nails (another coat because I did only one tonight), and cook for the week. With that being said, I need to go plan my meals for the week so that I can obtain a 1300 calorie max while still feel full and healthy.

Rise Above.

Nothing's gonna to shake me. I'm stronger than this.
I have high hopes and aspirations, higher than imaginable.
No demons are gonna break me. I'm better than that.

No sin, no shame, no measure of evil will break me.
I've created in me a new sense of self, one made of unbreakable bonds.
From the highest mountain to the deepest of oceans,
your subterfuge can not impale me anymore.

Interview from a History student & Potter fan.

Working for MuggleNet, we get amazing opportunities all the time. This interview was sent to the staff from a History student named Taryn. She was doing a project and wanted to have a few volunteers from the MuggleNet staff. I decided to take part and here is the interview. Enjoy!

What do you think attributed to the success of Harry Potter?

I believe that something so magical like Harry Potter just radiates success. It attracts men, women, and children of all cultures and backgrounds. Almost every person born into modern society over the entire globe knows Harry Potter for this simple reason. The widespread popularity of the series happened on it's own, without force. The most magical, captivating series of the century is what attributed to its' success. 

 

How long do you predict Harry Potter's success will last?

I do believe deep in my heart that Harry's longevity is everlasting. I think just like Dickens or The Brothers Grimm this magnificent tale will expand throughout generations to come. There is no end to such a colossal force that has brought children back to books. Children are reading again and literacy is through the roof, and I give an exceeding amount of credit to Jo Rowling. All of us fans who remain loyal to the legacy will never let it die. As new generations of readers are introduced to such a wondrous story so the journey and success will continue.

 

Do you believe Harry Potter will be considered a literary classic?

Well, based on my previous answers and on what I know in my heart I will have to say absolutely. It is a modern tale of love, friendship, sacrifice, and bravery; just to name a few. The authorship is so golden and the authenticity and passion that lines within the pages can only be found in a Potter novel. That is why Harry Potter, all seven novels, will be considered a literary classic that all our descendants will know and love.

What did J.K. Rowling do to create this success?

JK Rowling took a chance. She went out on a limb and was brave and fearless with a dream. Without her, we would never know this magical, breathtaking world that was so graciously shared with the world, thanks to Jo. Upon meeting JKR in NYC this fall, I realized she is a very humble individual. She does not realize the magnitude of her impact on the literary world. She continues to create content for Pottermore; sharing stories that only she knows, facts that are only in her shoe boxes. She will always be such a heroin of our generation and that attributes to the success of the series on a different level. 

What influences does Harry Potter have on culture?

Our culture, especially in the United States, has diminished to be completely cookie cutter. Children and teens grow up with electronics and never know what it is like to have real interaction with another person. Our culture is not personal anymore because of texting, messaging, video chat; the list goes on and on. But something that the Potter series shows our adolescents is to value the relationships with one another, stand up for what you believe in, sacrifice for those that you love. These are not values that can be taught on the internet. I know that Harry Potter has changed my life and made me a better person. On a more wide scale, if everyone around the world could just adapt those values into their lives, the world would be a better place. I believe that people are already doing that. Seeing what a story can teach you and applying it to your own life to better it and mold it into something wonderful; that is what the impact on our society is.

How far reaching is Harry Potter's influence?

Well, looking at number alone will tell you that is reaches every corner of the world. I don't want to quote numbers and figures to answer, because all I must say is that "there won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name". 

Why has Harry Potter been able to have this influence?

It has such a far reaching influence because of where the story takes you, what it teaches you, and so much more. The magical story, the amazing characters, far off places that only can be seen in our dreams, the values and morals or evil that is shown, the beauty of a novel that moves a generation - these are all reasons for the high impact that JKR has given to us through Potter. 

Potterheads have been recognized as the best fans. Why do you think this is?

Because it is the God's truth. I have never in my life seen another fandom so passionate, so involved and in love with a series. Going to LeakyCon, waiting at midnight showings or book releases, dressing up as characters from our beloved novels - these are all small exhibits of what we as Potter fans do to relive the series. But what is more is how we all treat one another. Harry Potter has brought people together from all walks of life and all different places all over the world. It gives us a place to call home and for that we are all so passionate and grateful. 

 

Why do you love Harry Potter?

From the moment I was able to read, I had a book in my hand. Nothing had captivated me quite like Harry Potter did when it was first released. Ever since then my love for the series never died. I have endured a difficult broken household growing up with a haunted childhood. Harry Potter was a safe place, my soft place to fall when the road was dark. I was in a Catholic school, but other than lessons there, I wasn't being taught anything about how to live my life and grow up to be a proper adult. Harry Potter taught me what was right, what was noble, what was just. I escaped from my mundane world of fighting and fright to a magical world where I could enjoy myself. As the years went on and more and more books were released I learned more about myself through the series. I grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione and could relate to them every step of the way. I survived my adolescence because of Harry. As I became an adult I have never stopped loving each and every detail of the series, what it has taught me, and JK Rowling has inspired me up and through my battle with cancer this year.  Meeting her was outstanding and it pulled me through when I was at my sickest. I reread the series during cancer treatments, surgeries, biopsies, and more. I learned more after the 5th or 6th time reading them. I know that nothing will surpass my love for this wondrous world. I will pass it along with my love down to future generations and hope for its success in the years to come.

Just a Day.

Today was just an ordinary day for the most part, nothing to offset the usual; however, I do feel the need to write about something exceedingly near and dear to my heart. I believe that everyone's true colors come out some time or another. Whether intentionally or non-intentionally the good, the bad, and the ugly start to emerge with time or different circumstances. I have learned in my 24 odd years on this earth that the people that I have known all my life are not all that they truly have seemed to be.  The older I get the wiser I become. I never used to think that would happen or that the phrase was true. I thought it was merely a remark made by elders to force all of the young folks to feel as though they don't understand anything. However I have discovered the latter. 

There is something about each person that rubs us the wrong way upon meeting said individual. Whether you have known them your whole life or just a few short months, we always notice something about every person that gets under our skin, rubs us the wrong way, or just simple doesn't fit or we don't approve of. Lately, maybe it is because of all that I have been through; I have noticed that more and more people in my life have been either disappointing me or rising above my initial first impression of them. Or perhaps it is my ability to really read people, see through motives, or I could be indeed judgmental, you choose. However, I wouldn't be so quick to think the latter until you hear the rest of the story.

Someone that I have been close to my entire adult life, some of my adolescence has been living in a way that I, and most people, would not deem appropriate. I value being a mother more than anything else on this planet and one day I plan to be one as well. But a different kind I guess you could say. I cherish the idea of having someone to love you unconditionally, forever and always. I can't wait for the day that I hold that being that I was able to conceive, grow in my body, and give birth to. That will be my number one importance in my life and I will sacrifice anything and everything for him or her. I believe that a level of class demonstrates what kind of mother you will be. No, I'm not talking about money or wealth of any kind; unless you are speaking of wealth of morality or moral fiber. There are so many examples of which I will rise above in my life to give my child and I just can't come to terms with someone I have been close to treating their daughter or son in this way. A broken family happens. I grew up in one. That doesn't mean that raising that child like a slapstick comedy is appropriate. Reading stories, teaching him/her to walk, bath time, teaching him/her to feed themselves, playing catch, dancing, taking photographs, smiling and laughing together; the list goes on and on. But this list is just a small tribute to what I would be doing with my child instead of running around like I am a thirteen year old girl who just discovered her genitals and had her first beer.

Now, one may think I am being a bit harsh. But when it comes to another human being's life, I don't think that one can be subtle if someone is out of line (and has been for awhile). This is the same person who didn't do a damn thing for me emotionally even during my cancer. How can I expect anything from that person then? I guess I shouldn't.

Another remarkable instance that I have been encountering lately is that of a person that I have known since birth. Grew up together, played together; we were inseparable at one point. This last year (for some reason) has changed it all. Cancer to this person meant the common cold. Funny enough because they should know about it being their chosen profession. I just have been offended over and over and over and (well, you get it). To me, there is a certain melody to the sound of victory; however, brutal one must get. My recipe triumphed giving me a sense of pride, as silly as that sounds. (only a few people will know what this means and for the sake of this story it really is not important) The only thing that is needed to be taken from this is my being and core has been shaken by the upheaval of a relationship with this person.  Coming from a family who struggled to put a meal on the table, I take pride in what I have. I try not to let others and their sense of snobbish take my spirit, although this individual has stolen my spirit time and time again. I refuse to be told that I do not understand something from someone who has been given everything. You know those people who coasted through high school, got college paid for for them by their daddies and mommies, never had a single problem all the years of their lives? Those people who don't lift a finger or work for a damn thing? I'm sure we all know those people and have had some put us all down. Well, that description fits this people to a tee. Their very nature rattles me to my core just thinking about being in the same room with them. How funny that is that only ten years ago all I wanted was to be accepted by this person, to be loved, and wanted around by this person. Now, all I want is miles between us and no rear view.

There is a sense of respect my stories are lacking, I know. But how can I respect people who disrespect me? Who spit in my face (figuratively)? I'm sorry, but no one on this planet should ever put someone down for the sake of putting them down.

On another note, these two people (two heartless beings if I do say so myself) do not measure to the amazing people that have been in my life and have lifted my spirits, shaken my bad thoughts, and pulled me out of the water when I was drowning (so to speak). I am thankful for what I have. But although I am not finished with my examples of disappointment (that I'm sure you all can relate to) - I can't help but feel very slighted by the two people I used to love and depend on. Now, like I said keep your bad attitude as far away from me as possible. I'm on the mend and your negativity and plot to bring me down will not work. 

I have been told, "Oh Alison, you are too open." I've also come across words being whispered, "she is such a drama queen about her own life." What I have to say to that -- Well sugar, I have nothing to hide. My life may be imperfect, but I sure as well wake up every morning with a reason to live and I have made a choice to better myself so that one day I will become all that I have ever dreamed and for me - that is enough.

Thinspiration with a hearty appetite: Pesto Chicken Alfredo

Today was a day for my man and I to be off together. We saw the movie "Warm Bodies" this afternoon; however adorable, not my favorite. The love story was cute though. Anyways, on the way home we stopped at the store to get ingredients for a dish that I made a few weeks ago in which he was been requesting ever since. It is from his Nan's recipes: Pesto Chicken Alfredo. For how hearty it is, the serving size of 1 1/2 cups is only 475 calories, which really isn't bad because it is so filling and the best pasta I have ever had (if I do say so myself).

I'll make this recipe easy to follow. I'm going to type it in a list today also because I have it cooking and I can't wait to enjoy it!

- Boil 1 lb. penne noodles. (I use wheat)

- Cook (steam) 4 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast. Seasoned with Nature's Seasoning.

- Mix 1/2 C bread crumbs, 2 T EVOO, and 1/2 C shredded parm (set aside for topping)

- When noodles and chicken are finished, mix them in a large mixing bowl with; 1 can crushed tomatoes, 1 jar Alfredo sauce, pesto sauce (I made with a packet of pesto, some basil, and EVOO), 1 1/2 C milk (I use skim), 2 C shredded mozzarella, 1 1/2 C shredded parm.

- Once thoroughly mixed, sprinkle bread crumb mixture ontop of dish.

- Cover with foil & bake in the oven on 350 for 40-45 minutes.

Then ENJOY! It really is an amazing dish. Wish I had a photo of it for you all. But trust me when I say this is the best - better than Olive Garden (which used to be my favorite alfredo). This recipe I found from Pinterest, so I'm not sure who to credit but thank you!

Today was also weigh-in Wednesday. I lost a half pound since I started on Monday! Goes to show that each day, each little change really does add up. Those good choices one plus one really do keep surmounting to something we strive for. Although I am far from my goal, I did my hair and makeup today and went out with an amazing man who makes me feel beautiful beyond measure. 

As the next few days come, I hope that our choice for moving or vacationing this summer or staying put really becomes easier. I can't imagine anything changing right now. All I know is that the more snow I see and the cold temperatures here the more I want to head start to the beach like we have thought about for 12-weeks for post cancer finding yourself because you have an amazing man that you want a future with type thing. Well, we shall see!